Approaching burnout

[Bauer999]

I'm a 43 year old mum of two. Married and work full time. I do two days in London and threw days at home. Over the last two years I've had a variety of symptoms which have led to multiple tests, but nothing definitive has been found. I'm exhausted all the time. I wake up tired, if I sit down during lunch at home I fall asleep, evenings are a disaster as I just can't stay awake.
Overall I think I'm just totally depleted. I am seeing the GP on Friday and other than "give me a month off on a deserted island" I don't know quite what to say to him as without any illness what can he really do?
Work are flexible with allowing me to pick up my kids from school and stuff, but working full time with two primary school kids is hard and I constantly feel like I'm not there as much as I should be. I'd love to cut my hours down but a reduction in pay is not something I can take right now.
Has anyone felt like this and how did you improve your situation?

I'd keep a food diary, get tested for allergies and persue a medical diagnosis.

Do you have a partner in the picture? Any annual leave booked? Any family that can help.

Sorry just saw “married” so what’s he doing? And why are you the one picking them up and struggling.

sorry OP, it sounds tough and worrying - i can sympathise, as probably on the brink of burnout at the mo.

how long is your commute?
how much annual leave do you have?

this year, i ve been using my AL to take fridays off, and a few mondays too, just because i cannot wait for the longer breaks.

have you got your vitamin D levels, iron (hb/ferritin) and thyroid levels checked?

Yes I am married and have a close family around me. Got two weeks booked off in August.

He takes care of the kids in the days I'm in London and does all be cancelled but also works full time. We balance it as beat we can.

Is it physical tiredness only or are you also experiencing high levels of stress and mental fatigue as well? Do you feel you might be depressed or does your gut tell you there is something wrong medically?

All blood test results are fine so no issues there. My commute is about an hour and a half each way on the two days I go to London. Got two weeks booked off in the Summer but rest of my leave gets taken up covering school holidays.

For ages I thought it was actually medical, but now I think it's mental load and general exhaustion.

I don't want to be that person but have you had hormone levels all checked as well? If you've been coping well until now it could be a combination of your levels dropping, and just the relentless nature of life at the moment – have you spoken to your DH about how you are feeling?

I'm just asking as I had burnout and breakdown at 43, I hadn't really told anyone around me how I was feeling i just powered through and ended up coming home one day shaking, crying and just completely exhausted, I was in bed and in a bit of a mess for 2 weeks and gradually got some help and support, but it took that for people around me to understand just how much I had been doing, the entire household mental load and running a business combined with hormones tanking and me ignoring it all was a diaster – i'm pleased you are looking for answers but I'm hoping you are sharing with your DH how you feel.

3 hour is a long commute OP and must be exhausting.

It sounds like you have too much on your plate.

It is good that you have a holiday booked but I would consider long term changes such as a job that does not requite you to commute that far and potentially getting a job with more flexible hours.

Sometimes it is about realising you are simply exhausted and can no longer try to do it all and the things need to change.

You really want to avoid a complete physical and mental breakdown...

It could very well be both, that’s exactly what happened to me. Severe burnout from my job and being a busy working mum carrying the mental load caused me to develop physical symptoms like exhaustion, back pain, couldn’t shake colds and viruses, always felt run down, joints ached, etc.. I then became depressed and anxious as I was running on empty but kept pushing myself as felt I had no other choice and medical tests came back clear. I eventually had a breakdown which resulted in my leaving my job, undergoing intensive therapy, and left me with chronic pain and fatigue.

I learned a LOT about the science of stress over the last few years and how much it impacts every system of your body - stress can trigger autoimmune conditions (which women are far more likely to get than men), fibromyalgia, inflammatory conditions and pain, and many others. So it could be that the stress you’re under is causing the physical symptoms, even if there is nothing obvious found on tests. I found the book ‘When The Body Says No: The cost of hidden stress’ helpful for understanding this.

@wordywitch

Had a very similar experience. Complete burnout and a full breakdown two years ago due to a combination of work issues and a series of stressful events in my life. I was under the care of the crisis team, went on anti-depressants, had counselling and had to take a month and a half off work. Much too early with insight.

My job has continued to stress me out unfortunately and I became totally exhausted again recently and developed shingles, migraine, dizzy spells and other physical symptoms.

Stress/anxiety/depression have a big impact on the body as well as the mind so I am off sick again but this time I am not going back to work until I am fully recovered and will leave that toxic workplace as soon as I can.

'The body keeps the score' by Bessel van der Kolk is also a very useful read.