Help!

[Laralee]

I’m so fed up. I come across as a confident and friendly person (or so I am told) but inside I feel quite worthless and frustrated.

When I was growing up my parents never praised me and they often compared me unfavourably to other people (your brother has natural talent, your sister is beautiful etc). No matter what i achieved (Degree, career, whatever) I was never recognised or encouraged. I was quite a high achiever academically but my parents didn’t value that.

I went on to work in a very unforgiving profession and again no one ever seemed to recognise me for anything no matter how hard I tried. I eventually left and suffered from years of depression.

Now I’m in my mid 50s and my parents are no longer here. I feel invisible. I support my friends and family but I have no other role.

i am trying my best to build a life for myself now my parents are gone and my children have grown up but everything I try I’m just not very good at and (probably because I come across as ‘together’ and ‘confident’) there is no encouragement forthcoming to improve. So I just start things then give up.

I am sick of trying and failing to establish myself in any way. I doubt that anyone who knows me would recognise this post as being me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not even sure what I expect to get from writing this but any advice would be appreciated. The little voice in my head is reading this and saying ‘ffs pull yourself together woman!’ lol.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Have a look at this;

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

And this;

Running as 200 bales of hay at the gate (oh joy!) but just wanted to say you CAN change. Never too late.

These are just snippets and not sure it helpful, but my parents were also not lavish with praise. When I got much older they told me they were proud of me. I remember thinking could you not have just said that much earlier, rather than me spending my life proving myself! However the other side of that is it stopped me from not trying. Think of all the amazing things you have done and amazing opportunities.

If you have tied a lot of identity to work (I know I have done this), are there unexplored areas for you? Does it all need to be about being good at something- could it be about enjoying something?

I read somewhere it's good for mental wellbeing to do something we aren't very good at but that we really enjoy.

At some point in your life you need to start taking responsibility for how you feel. CBT is very good for challenging critical thinking and negative self talk. Mindfulness is also effective for catching unhelpful thoughts.

The Six Pillars of Self Esteem is a good read. Journalling not only gets out those thoughts but demonstrates repetitive and negative habits. You can find a therapist at BACP.

Thank you that is very helpful and I will think about what you’ve said. I have had a lot of different responsibilities in life over the years and now that I’ve got the mental space to focus on myself I’m not finding it as easy as I thought it would be! I’ll try to focus on what I enjoy rather than on being an expert in something. Thank you

Thanks. I’ve had CBT before and benefited and I do journal but this is quite a deep seated issue with self esteem and worth. I may try going back to therapy to work it out. Thanks