Stuck in a rut

[Flo367]

Hi all, I just wondered if anyone had any tips or ideas to get out of a bad mood. I just feel stuck in a rut and don't know how to move forward. I have a nice life generally with my partner and 2yo but I just feel like something's missing and can't shift this mood. My mum passed away 2 weeks before my DD was born which was traumatic and I don't think I've ever grieved properly because 2 weeks later I had a newborn to look after. I don't know if that's the root cause of it but if anyone else has similar feelings of being stuck in a rut please share any ways you got over it. Thanks 😊

Thank you so much for sharing this — I could have written so much of it myself. It's such a strange place to be, having a lovely little family and still feeling like something's off inside. I think when big grief overlaps with a life-changing moment like becoming a parent, it's like the emotional wires get all crossed, and we just carry on without untangling any of it.
I haven't found a magic fix either, but little things have helped — walking without my phone, writing thoughts down even if they don’t make sense, and just letting myself feel sad when I need to without brushing it off. I’ve also found that just reading posts like yours reminds me I’m not alone, and that actually brings a lot of comfort.
Sending a big hug. I hope you find some moments of light soon 💛

Don't take it the wrong way, and I'm not suggesting you do the same, but i got divorced. Best thing I ever did. 🤣
I found who "I" was, outside of being a wife and a mother. I discovered a lot about myself and what I wanted out of my own life. I still regret that I've been unable to be a SAHM to my youngest, but going back to full time work, to a job that I love, finding "real" deep friendships, new and old, have changed the way I look at life. You don't need to get divorced to do that, but "I: did. I'd lost myself and I'd lost sight of where I was going.

I have felt like this for a long time. Similar situation, lost my mum, moved house, had a little one. Feel very stuck and not really living. I feel like im just serving everyone else at the moment. Certain things also dont help like being the main bread winner, husband not paying bills etc, not giving us the life he lead me to believe he would. Feel like ive outgrown my husband despite loving him. I think the person who mentioned divorce is on to something tbh…i need to feel alive again!

I completely understand how you feel, my mum took her own life a week before my daughter was born in November last year, was so sudden and she was meant to be my second birthing partner. As you said I couldn’t grieve or even really wrap my head around it because I had a newborn and a 3 year old to look after, I sort of went into self preservation. I was then made redunant 2 months later and I’m the main earner, so since then I’ve just been completely stuck in a rut, I find very little joy in anything. I’m under the crisis team and they’ve been quite helpful.

I don’t have any advise as I’m not out of the other side yet myself, but didn’t want to read and run as I definitely relate to your situation. I hope things get better for you 🥺

Personal peace always.

You are strong.

I can resonate, alot of sadness can trigger it. I lost my mother in law a few years ago which was devastating as I was very close to her. Other crappy things happening and my parents wanting to kill themselves, really tough. Makes me think what is the point. Started to do a gratitude journal to appreciate the good things happening. Having holidays is good as it clears the mind. Need more good things to happen more than the crap. Check your iron levels, turns out mine was very low, started to take supplements and started to feel abit better.

2012 - both my parents died within 3 months of each other, my husband was made redundant and my MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Dreadful year and I was like you. Literally just going through the motions. A couple of things that may help. First, look after yourself physically. Eat well and move a bit if you can. It will genuinely help. Second, give yourself some time. Recognising that you feel in a rut is a sign that you want things to change. So start to create moments of joy in your life. It's cheesy I know but it really does help. Grief is a slow process and it impacts your whole life. But it does fade. Recognising and addressing it is the best way to get through this.