I find Therapy/Counselling Excruciating. What will help?

[SingtotheCat]

I had a “psychological support session” via work the other week as it is required/strongly recommended due to the job I do. I found the therapist pauses in conversation embarrassing and didn’t want to go on. I was basically being obliging and respectful to her role and trying to get it over with. I did tell the truth, but I feel that no amount of therapy will change my situation. There is no practical help; talking about it reminds me of this fact. Give my adult child’s a safe and cheap place to live with support he will accept and all will be well. That’s pie in the sky, but what is needed.
No problems with the job, which is heavy, as I work in a large team all exposed to the same kind of things so we tend to chat and informally debrief together.
As a family, we have had a terrible situation at home with eldest adult child’s descent into mental illness, criminality, drugs, extreme anger.
The dramatics are over now (hopefully forever, but I know how these things go) but I am traumatised. I do nothing but read and scroll on my days off from work and keep up with running the house.
I no longer go out of my comfort zone outside of work and struggle when I do. I stay safe at home doing very little with my
life. We have a lovely family holiday booked for a couple of weeks time and I am slightly panicking as I want to go, we all could do with it, but it is the unknown. I am well travelled, but I have become so insular and have made my life so small.
Does anything work? Will time do it? Anyone else been in this situation?

I wonder if there is no work to be done - other than finding a safe place to feel all you’ve felt till you can cry no more.

I have hardly cried! It has been very strange.

Oh SingtotheCat,
I really resonate with child mental illness as I am in a similar situation, apart from criminal/anger part. Adult DD doesn't accept mental illness and has now stopped meds.
I'm just sad all the time and spend hours scrolling looking for hope. The only thing that will help me recover is for her to improve.
Hang on in there, my DD team suggested that I take a step back to try and rebuild my own life but I know how hard this is. I really hope things improve for you.

You simply aren’t ready for therapy yet. Your description of your situation is that you are traumatized and work in a high stress job but that your situation is so fragile that working on feeling better feels potentially explosive and dangerous to you. Instead you prefer (for some values if prefer) to left brain dissociate and doom scroll or avoid and hide at home. It seems obvious, to you, that this works. And it does. But at the cost of killing your optimism, your freedom, and your creativity.

Instead of talk therapy why not try a different modality like cold water swimming, hill walking, or yoga. These all might calm your nervous system enough to bring your non traumatized brain back on line.

Therapy only starts to work when you can give yourself the right to spend the time with the therapist dedicated to YOU. This feels selfish to you at the moment probably because you have spent so much time and mental energy dealing with your son. But what if you 'put your son outside of the room' and allowed yourself to put in to words how YOU feel. When therapy is 'in flow' you wouldn't even be aware of when your therapist speaks or stops speaking. You'd be less self conscious and using the time purely for your own needs. I don't write this as a criticism of you at all. It is very common for it to feel awkward to start with because you are not sure of the dynamic and also scared to open up. It may be worth persisting with the sessions and perhaps try to adopt the mindset of 'this is MY time' and see what emerges?

I would add that you need a therapist who is working for you, not your employer, too. It can work in some cases, but it adds time to work through the baggage of why they're seeing you and if it is about you or your employer's needs.

I would look for a different type of therapy. EMDR is good for trauma.

@TwattergyThat’s a very incisive response.
I really am more selfish. I am 52, I am too old for this and would love to put DS “outside the room.”
He seems to panic when I do an ups the ante, to the extent he nearly lost his life in May and his friend did die.
Im co-opted in to an intense caring role that I actually didn’t sign up for as son is well into adulthood now. He is a bottomless pit and I want out of that pit. I love him and still want him around, but I can’t deal with his big adult problems he has created for himself.
I might lob myself into the sea at the weekend for the cold water swim, thanks.

Hi, my DB was diagnosed with schizophrenia, lots of traumatic events. It took 15 years but eventually he was housed safely.

I've hardly ever actually spoken about them because whats the point, can't change them, and don't want to relive it.

What I found really helpful was EMDR therapy. Had to fight very hard for it on the NHS but it was very helpful. Somatic therapies are helpful for trauma IMHO - swimming, restorative yoga, laughter yoga, TRE yoga, tapping etc.

I've also gone to online support groups for siblings with mental illness - is there something similar for parents?