Will my kids be better in the care of someone else?

[potterface29]

I have quite complicated mental health issues. Anxiety major depression possible eating disorder severe emetephobia and panic disorder. Being going through a bit of a mental breakdown and struggling greatly to get support from nhs.

I can’t avoid the fact that in my bones I keep questioning whether my children would be better off under the care of someone else. I have a husband who tries to support me where he can but he works full time.

I have days where I struggle to look after myself especially when my anxiety is super high, I struggle to eat and sometimes I retch with my anxiety too. It’s horrific and I try my best but some days I just cry all day cause I can’t help myself and I can’t see how it will get better. I’m already on two ssri medications and a beta blocker and I don’t feel like they help all that much. Get tired of taking different medication and not knowing if any of it will help make a difference.

I am worried about the impact of my issues on them and i want them to do the best they possibly can in life and I’m wondering whether that is possible with a mum like me. I have suicidal thoughts and my kids are a massive protective factor but I feel like if it’s better for them if I’m not their parent then maybe I should just relinquish my responsibility and let them live their lives without a mother that cries all the time.

OP, your dcs love you. Their life revolves around you and your DH. They know your humour and your face and your scent and your food, and they absolutely would not be better off without you. They would be hurt and confused and lonely.

You, with all your struggles, is still a million times better than someone else. xx

It won’t always be like this OP but I’m so sorry that you’re having to struggle so much to get the help you so need.

Your children absolutely would NOT be better off without you and the fact that you even think this, shows how aware and insightful you are and no doubt is reflected in your parenting, even with all thats going on for you. As the PP has said, they know and love you, you are their everything and they would be lost not to have you in their lives. I know you’re struggling to believe this but that’s the depression talking. Be gentle with yourself and just accept that this is how it is at the moment, your children are loved and cared for and thats all that matters and try and hang on to the belief that things will slowly get better.

I struggle with MH issues too (BPD, anxiety, depression) and think this alot myself too but please don't think it's true. Have you spoke to iapts(I think that's what it's called lol). They recommended the parenting project to me - they offer free counselling services. Not sure if you have to be local but mine will all be telephone appointments. their website is https://parentingproject.org.uk/ its self referral. Are you on the right meds? Might be worth having a review to make sure you're on the correct dosage/start them if not on any. I take venlaflaxine and it's been really helpful for me. You're children love and need you, I know it can be hard to see that some days but you're their world.

My grandmother took her own life and left three children behind. They never got over it. You are being incredibly strong to keep going. Don’t give up.

Unfortunately tried looking at that place but it’s not for my area. Finally been referred to the irh but therapy is still looking like 8 months away. I’m on medication, was put back on sertraline which has worked for me in the past but I don’t feel like it’s very effective now. i don’t know whether to switch but I’m worried about side effects. I’m also on 30mg of mirtazpine which I feel like has helped slightly.

I just feel like I’m failing as a mother to my children and that maybe I shouldn’t have had kids because I’m emotionally damaging them by making them worried about me. i try not to but my anxiety is so physical they know when something is up, and i uncontrollably cry at the drop of a hat. My 8 year old turns round to me at the moment and asks if im going to cry, like she expects me to cry all the time. It’s so saddening to hear her say things like that.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Doctor did talk about swapping to a different tablet if I’m still the same way. But I just don’t want the side effects again.

just feeling really hopeless and dejected. My kids and husband would be better off without me I’m a waste of space. Anxious and depressed more than I am happy and good