How to help someone who’s depressed

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A close family member who I believe has always had a tendency towards depression but refused to take meds is now very low.
There’s no doubt that he’s been through the mill with serious illness and loss and he is seeing a therapist monthly but has so far refused to take ADs. Also has bad health anxiety (understandable given his experiences).
I just don’t know where to go with this as every time I see him he’s telling me about all these health issues which could easily be physical symptoms of anxiety.
He says the therapist doesn’t know if he’s got anxiety or depression so isn’t encouraging him to take meds yet.
I feel that being on meds and having therapy as well is the best approach when someone is in this state of mind.
Any thoughts?

Just see them in doses that you can handle. Maybe suggest a resource like a book you found helpful. By all means express concern, sonetimes staging an intervention can be helpful but people have to help themselves at the end of the day.

currently have a similar situation mine is taking meds but won’t go to therapy, finding the right tablets can be the tricky part and at the moment the tablets have just numbed them out to everything which is extremely difficult.
I would say from experience the best thing you can do is just be there try and talk if they want to let them know that they are not alone but ultimately the person has to want to get better and want the help and that is the tricky part

Make any excuse to meet them outside. Outdoor light, a bit of a walk and nature are well known to help with depression and while he may not 'come for a walk with me' he might step out into the garden for a cup if tea out there, if you insist? Also distraction - 'can you help with these jobs, I am desperate, help me bake this cake, shift these boxes, move this stuff in the garage' etc. Distraction will give his poor mind a break.

Meeting outside is definitely part of the plan. He’s not really up to helping with physical jobs.
The whole situation is so frustrating. I do empathise as I’ve been on ADs myself in the past, I know how hard it is to lift yourself far enough out of the fug to get help.

When I started therapy years ago, my therapist suggested that if I went back on meds (for anxiety/depression/suicidal thoughts etc) I wouldn’t learn that I can cope with my feelings. I didn’t believe him at the time, but he was absolutely right and I don’t think I’ll ever need meds again.

Depression can be a result of suppressed anger (possibly a grief response that he hasn’t been able to process yet in your friend’s case). Fresh air, light, food, exercise etc won’t really help with that.

I would try to keep a lid on your own frustration and don’t impose it on your friend. Just be a calming presence. Allow your friend to talk if they want (and realise that they won’t want to talk if you try to chivvy them along to your own agenda). Stay out of the therapist’s way and don’t assume you know better.

I appreciate what you’re saying. It’s just that this has been going on so long now and I don’t feel that the monthly sessions (via the GP) are frequent enough to be of much benefit on their own.

If he’s gone through the GP for the therapy, he will probably have been offered ADs by the GP and if he doesn’t want to take them, that’s his prerogative.
The only thing you can do is to step back and draw boundaries so that you are not too stressed out by the situation.
It’s hard but when it comes down to it it’s his choice.
Bear in mind that just because ADs worked for you, that doesn’t mean that they will work for him in the same way or that they are necessarily the thing that he needs.

Fair enough. I just feel that he’s wasting what’s left of his life being depressed and as we are close relatives I tend to get all his woes offloaded on to me. Yes, I can limit my time spent with him to combat that but it feels like I’m abandoning him if I do that.

It must be very frustrating.
Have you talked to him about your own experience with ADs?
Unfortunately, other than persisting with trying to persuade him, there is literally nothing you can do about the medication side of things.
The therapist is unlikely to be qualified to prescribe anything or even to diagnose. I would imagine that’s up to the GP. Most ADs are for anxiety as well as depression anyway.
What kind of therapy/ therapist is it?