If you really didn’t like having kids…

[grizzlygrump]

I have two kids, 5 and 3. It’s really not for me and I often wish I could leave. Some days are better than others, I love my kids so much and think they’re fantastic, but I’m so knackered and overwhelmed and miserable. I think I probably shouldn’t have had kids - I have a very supportive husband, a job that pays well and that I enjoy, but I just feel so flat and like I just want to walk out the door and not come back. I hate the mess and the noise and the feeling of nothing being my own anymore.

If you’re someone who felt the same, I would love to hear if your kids turned out okay, or if at some point you started enjoying it. If there is way to still be a good mother and not fuck your kids up even though you don’t really want to be a mother. I’d love books on the topic too if anyone has recommendations.

I can’t say I share the same feelings as you but babies and toddlers didn’t do much for me. And now my kids are slightly older than yours, I love the age they’re currently at. I don’t have to play ‘dinoland’ or whatever anymore - they play with their mates, are good craic and I love now playing board games and cards with them.
For me, pre-school years were a weird combination of boring and exhausting. However, I’m really, really enjoying the pre-teen years.

your not alone. I’m glad i had my children but often don’t feel the most natural mother. I feel constantly drained, exhausted, anxious.

I hate the domestic work/ cooking/ cleaning/ chores/ mental load that comes with running a household (compared with single person lifestyle)

But i do love my children and i wouldn’t change them. Many women would love to be mothers but can’t due to infertility/ not having met a partner etc etc - i actually try to remind myself of this if i don’t feel the most grateful (although sorry if this is unhelpful!)

Could they go to nursery/ clubs a bit more to give you a bit of a break? pay for a babysitter? get cleaner?

Also consider treatment if you feel you have depression/ poor mental health

There is actually a book on this topic - Regretting motherhood by Orna Donath. i have heard it been mentioned/ discussed but not actually read it. It might help

I imagine for a significant number of women, motherhood doesn’t come easily - but it’s taboo to discuss. so it doesn’t get talked about

Thank you both. I think I had a particularly bad week. There are (many!) moments that I love, and I would never act on actually leaving, but looking to address this so that my children never feel that I don’t love being their mother.

It really doesn’t come naturally to me, and I’m struggling for people to talk to about this. I desperately want to enjoy it so hoping that these just aren’t the ages for me. Gratitude practise is a good shout too!