Self esteem rock bottom

[Jenkibuble]

Title says it all really .
I have always had low opinion of myself in EVERY area of my life. Take criticism extremely personally , quit things I enjoy as perceive Im rubbish . I work in a dead end monotonous job that numbs my brain as I perceive anything more challenging I am not good enough for (have done them previously and the evidence does not back it) I do not bounce back well and get cross with myself for the quitting etc.
I have a close circle but generally do withdraw (family especially, siblings do not struggle with such issues but mum deffo does and wonder if I have copied her in many ways) I struggle to assert myself with family members too ( caring roles etc) and my younger sister apparently speaks to my mum about how she doesn't want her child (4) to be a walkover like I was (mum commented about me as a child clearly)
Talking therapies have helped in the past but I struggle to adopt what I learn.
I exercise daily , meditate and try the gratitude stuff (3 things) but these do not really boost my esteem. I quit social media which has helped.

Meds help margainly too but want to break the cycle.

ANyone got any good tools / books /tips etc that has helped them.
TIA

No one is born with low self esteem - as a baby or toddler you would have been very comfortable in letting everyone know when you needed something, or if you were unhappy in some way. So at some stage during your childhood you learnt (actively or passively) or absorbed the belief that you are not good enough - which is what your examples probably boil down to (using the downward arrow CBT technique).

These 'core beliefs' are developed and internalised in the first ten years of life - before you have the intellectual capacity to challenge them - and are accepted as truths about who you are. However, they are NOT fixed and can be revised by changing the subconscious rules that formed them. There's lots of info on how and why we think the way we do on my AMA.

www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

I think underlying this could be caring too much about what others are thinking about you.
And ignoring your true selfish ,self interested, lazy ,unless it’s something you enjoy, self. (Which is how I would describe all normal humans).

Next time someone asks you to do something say not at the moment, sorry - and give yourself time to work out if you will skip happily away after completing the job. If no, don’t do it.