Depression and time off work

[PinataHeeHaw]

I've been off work previously for poor mental health. I had had a breakdown each time. I was off for one week the first time and one day the second time. Both times weren't long enough. I still have poor mental health, which is now probably worse than its ever been. My boss is sooo supportive and regularly tells me to take time off whenever I need it. The issue is my work never stands still. I'm the only one who can do it and if I'm off, I have it all to come back to. It's awful.

This past week I have really struggled with my mental health, including suicidal thoughts. I was due to go away but didn't because of it. I desperately need time away from work but the thought of letting my colleagues down, the work piling up while I'm off and just being seen as a failure is putting me off. Even though my boss is very supportive, I also worry about the higher aboves possibly seeing me as a weak link and my job being at risk.

I don't really know what advice I'm looking for here. I suppose I just wanted to get it out of my system. These thoughts and worries are all-consuming.

Work isn’t really your problem when you’re off, it’s for your boss to ensure it’s covered.

Have you been referred / assessed by occupational health? They are there to look at how your health issues can be better managed at work in order to support you to stay in your role. They would look at reasonable adjustments etc. at the moment, even though your boss is supportive, it’s not working for you as you return to a higher work load which will then contribute to your poor mental health.
As your boss for a referral to OH (you can also self refer but a ref from your manager is better as it’s demonstrating support from them)

Hello, it's only a small organisation so there is no occupational health.

It's true, but as supportive as he is, I still get work to come back to as he doesn't cover it.