Feeling overwhelmed with work - social anxiety, imposter syndrome, fear of being perceived/judged/seen

[strugglelife]

I really really struggle with work. Always have and feels like I always will. I got a promotion a little over a year ago and I’m constantly in a state of overwhelm. I struggled like this in my last job (which was also a promotion) so I’m really not sure why I went for this one (it was the money) as the struggle continues w/ additional responsibilities and higher expectations. I thought it would be a step forward, change of environment but now I’m struggling most days just to get through it.

Because of the stress, today I’ve let basic self-care slide, I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth today (yet), I mostly snack instead of eating proper meals, and I spend my breaks and evenings in bed trying to recover before I do it all over again the next day. Work feels like a mountain I have to brace myself for every morning, and everything else takes a backseat until it’s done.

I feel trapped because I can’t quit my job, I need to work to live, but it’s taking such a toll on my mental and physical health. I’m struggling with imposter syndrome, feeling like I can’t keep up, and sometimes I just want the ground to swallow me up. The frustrating thing is that I’ve been here before I know this too shall pass, but the fact that I keep coming back to this in this never ending cycle is exhausting to me. This has been my whole career.

I have a lovely team but I always feel like I’m letting them down somehow. I really struggle with public speaking so even my junior colleagues shine above me in certain meetings as I am such a nervous wreck and struggle with communicating in a confident manner. I feel like an embarrassment and that management regret hiring me even though they’re great people and don’t treat me as such. I struggle particularly in meetings where there are large groups or where I feel there might is audience as I’m feeling judged which probably leads me to behave and communicate in ways that leads to more judgement. I’m so much better one on one.

I know I bring value to my team but I really struggle and often compare myself so I really overlook what I bring to the table and compare myself to those who might be more well rounded, better communications, confident and talk the talk.

I’m in somewhat of a senior roles does anyone experience this? I’m not much of a leader, I honestly prefer working in silo and isolation but this is quite the opposite for what is required for my role and I feel most roles at my level tbh. Does anyone relate to this? How have you overcome it?

Ive done CBT before to address my anxiety but still I am here … struggling and only just about surviving

Oh, lovie - that's no way to live. I'm short of time to write a long reply but I'd urge you to have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis; lots of info on their about how the mind works and - crucially - how to change the way you think.

I suppose you have to decide if the money is worth the anxiety you are going through. Has anyone ever commented on your performance being below par or is this all in your mind?

Thank you I’ll have a look

I was in a senior position and initially for the fist 6 months I was a nerve wreck when speaking publicly, so much that my ears would start ringing and my heart racing and then I would stutter. It did improve for me with time, I got better at it, I discovered I can do humour.
After my first dry joke, I grew in confidence.

I have no idea if this would even work for you, but if it is making you so unwell I would say the job is not worth that.

I think about quitting all the time. But I simply can’t. What I am experiencing now is not job specific. I’ve also considered signing off under stress but feel (an internal) pressure not to. 1. Because I’d somehow be letting my team down and 2. Because what will it solve? I’ll be coming back to the same stuff. I did so a few years ago but I recognise that this a constant cycle I go through and time off is not going to fix it. My options are quit or keep on. So I just try and ride it out, until the next wave.

I’ve never received comments about poor performance but I guess I’ve convinced myself that they’re just being nice, may understand some of my difficulties, and sort of handle me with this in mind. I’ve received bonuses and convinced myself that they were just being polite (everyone in my team got one - but different amounts I believe). In reality I feel like I’m working below the level I’ve been employed for. It’s the leading and communicating element I fall short in.

I’d very happily work in the background and allow others to take credit for my work

This is what I’ve been hoping for … that in time it will get better and easier. I want it to get better. thanks for sharing.

unfortunately quitting is not an option.

I think you need professional help then op. I don't know what sector you work in but in my company if you are not doing your job properly you will know about it. People are rarely "nice" when it comes to competence.

Yes - you are right. Thanks

I just read back my post and it seems to come across a bit harsh. Sorry if you read it that way too. I meant you would probably know from your superiors if you were underperforming so probably no need to worry. Do you have regular performance reviews? I wish you the best of luck anyway.

that’s okay, it’s a helpful challenge and which I often do to jolt me out of my negative cycle of self-talk. Today/this week has just been particularly hard, so thank you. I do have regular performance reviews and they go okay, mostly good feedback and support

and on the professional help bit - I do have a therapist and take no offence on the suggestion to seek out

I hear you OP. What I don't have is the solution but want to let you know you're not alone. Hold on to the fact you know you add value to your team, that's what you are employed to do so you ARE a leader.

I'm quite glad I found this post as have also been feeling massively overwhelmed in a management role.

Just as an aside on public speaking, Toast Masters are brilliant. I gained a lot from this.

I think a day of letting self care slide is okay, don't beat yourself up, but know that you will always feel better for making ten minutes for it.

Nutrition will massively affect anxiety - how are the weekends? Can you meal prep?

Instead of spending the whole evening indoors can you throw some shoes on and grab a water bottle and go for a walk?

My main coping mechanism is to try and have a relaxing weekend and hope that eventually the weeks get better.