It's just endless

[Maverick66]

Please bear with me .

I have clinical depression.
Been on antidepressants for 30 years .

I stopped for each of my three pregnancies.
I have always felt hormones play a huge roll in my depression.
It's just a constant round of overthinking, low mood, anxiety and not sleeping.
I'm post menopausal .
I have been through wringer with menopause but didn't take HRT ...to be honest I just can't understand Hrt and how it works.
I've been married 40 years .
I have 3 adult children
2 grandchildren.

I just don't get joy from anything anymore .
I am morbidly obese and food is the thing I draw most comfort from.....I don't drink alcohol or smoke .

I have always been very responsible and a people pleaser .

No one in my family know or would believe the extent of my depression.

I can only describe it as I feel like I'm wearing a very heavy hat ....I keep taking it off but it keeps reappearing.

I just needed to write this down .

Today is a pretty low day .

Thank you anyone who reads.

Is it possible after so long that the antidepressants aren’t doing much anymore? I know you stopped whilst pregnant.
i did too and haven’t gone back on mine, I’m trying to see how I am without but I agree in regards to hormones being a factor. I wonder if coming off the pill might help me a little but don’t want to take the risk.

i also wish that heavy hat would just blow away for good.

sending you a big hug x

What would be a good outcome for you?

Sending you solidarity OP. It is so hard & as you say relentless. I too had a hell of a peri/menopause & literally lost my mind. For me HRT has helped - mainly with the anxiety. Depression & insomnia still treatment resistant. Don’t know if it would be worth trying? I know how any changes to an already really overwhelmed system can feel too much to even think about let alone do. Sending you sympathy x

I feel the same as you. I’m so low and upset, constantly holding back tears and wishing I could end it all.
im going through an assessment for adhd diagnosis, have you looked at the many symptoms - could it be that if antidepressants don’t work? Maybe it’s not that.
x

Thank you for your replies .
I do wonder have my meds stopped working . It certainly would explain a lot . But I can't bring myself to go back to drs AGAIN .
I feel pathetic that I can't figure this out for myself.
I just want my mood to lift and be happy.
Every little thing becomes a mountain to climb.

I thank you all for your kindness and understanding.
I just wanted to put my thoughts down and see if anyone else feels similar .