Don’t fit in

[Dontfitdoi]

I’ve been a single mum for many years. My DDleft home a year ago for work . Very proud but miss her a lot.
I have no local friends, no partner, no family and nothing in common with my work colleagues.
I get overwhelmed easily- things a work which might seem trivial to others take me over s I can barely think of anything else. I dont make friends easily and can appear aloof, l need my own space but get lonely, am particularly about my personal spaces /positions in a room if sitting, can’t bear fakeness and just feel I don’t in. I worry a lot about making mistakes at work , I used to have career job before DS but now feel i couldn’t possibly do any more than the fairly lowly job I do now. I also have ocd re checking things. I just wish I didn’t “feel” so much. I’ve tried ssris, counselling, cbt, hypnotherapy to try to help with my head bit nothing works. A couple of SSRIs have helped dull things a bit in the past but I would t take them as they won’t treat the likely underlying issue.
im certain now im neuro diverse- adhd/autism, probably a mix of both. Hadn’t been a child now I’m sure it’d have been picked up at school, I could get a diagnosis but at 57 is there any point?

Have you tried any other strategies such as journalling, meditation, mindfulness or exercise?

You need to make some changes if you want friends. Why do you come across as aloof?

CBT is something you need to keep practicing. Have you considered downloading worksheets and continuing to challenge your thoughts?

What about hobbies? Reading, crafts, sports, chess, film...can you join any clubs?

@MiloMinderbinder925 yes I’ve trued most of these things. I probably come across as aloof due to the issues above!

So you joined dozens of groups and haven't managed to make a friend? At least you've tried.

Do you approach people and talk to them? Do you talk to people who talk to you? Do you look unapproachable do you think?

Absolutely a point in getting yourself happy at 57!

You are not alone - SO many people have been where you are now and have been able to finally understand themselves. Please take your courage in both hands and reach out for the help that will make your life joyous.

Thank you @Eyesopenwideawake ☺️
Am prey certain if I go for a diagnosis it’ll show “ something”. How would I approach this at work?!

You ask the people who test/diagnose you 'what next'? I'm pretty sure you are under no obligation to inform an employer of the existence or outcome of any voluntary tests.

One step at a time @Dontfitdoi

I am in your exact position in many ways, only I am only 36 and have two children and zero support, in an area I hate, struggling with mental health every day. It's very easy for 'normal' not isolated individuals with long term family, friends and support to say well just go out and meet people, do this, do that but they cannot and will not ever be able to understand how mentally and physically shattering isolation and lack of support can be.

I am also OCD diagnosed and have suffered terribly alone with ptsd, anxiety and depression for the last 3 years and with two children in tow that only I am fully responsible for 24/7. I cannot get out and do alot of things even if I wanted to due to this.

There's alot to be said for genuine care and support from people who love you, most people have at least one or two people that they can rely on. For those of us who have noone I understand how difficult that is and those that have those ties just think we're our own problem. We weren't all bought up in environments around great people unfortunately!

With you having noone else to be responsible for now, that's a good opportunity for you to put yourself out there and see if it improves your situation. I am hopeful about the day I will be able to do this, even though i know it will be far from easy for me.

@ChocolateFairy25 thank you for your reply and I’m sorry things are difficult for you too. Totally get what you say about others not understanding.

I guess I’m slightly worried what the results would be! I’ve read a lot a Audhd seems to cover it. But how would an actual diagnosis help - without just put a label on me or would I get medication to make me feel more”normal “?