Help Please - Signed off on sick leave again

[Sparkcli]

Hi,
I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed and isolated right now, and I wanted to share in case anyone has insights or just to know I'm not alone.
I've been signed off work for 4 weeks due to a severe recurrence of depression and anxiety. This is incredibly tough; I was previously off for a year, returned for 18 months, and now I'm back in this difficult space. The weight of embarrassment and feeling like I'm failing everyone—my kids, my husband, my family, and my colleagues—is immense. Working for a cut-throat multinational, especially after a recent role change and house move, definitely piled on the pressure.
This constant fight with depression, which has been part of my life since I was 14, is truly draining. The breaks between episodes used to be longer, but now the difficult periods seem to stretch on. Financially, not being able to work is a huge burden. I haven't genuinely relaxed or enjoyed anything in so long. I'm constantly battling zero energy, no motivation, and a relentless cycle of self-blame. I know my mind isn't clear right now.
My husband wants to plan for the summer, and I can't even begin to make decisions. I'm also finding it challenging to help my kids with their school friendships. While they have friends, I see them often on the periphery of groups, and I'm trying so hard to support them without transferring my own anxiety.
I feel incredibly guilty because, on paper, I have a fortunate life. But inside, I'm just so low. Has anyone else navigated similar struggles, especially when it feels like everything is piling up at once?

I've been through cycles of burnout and depression. It goes back to a) childhood trauma b) neurodivergence c) current challenges of modern life.

When I was younger I would tackle c) with a positive mindset, exercise, diet. It only really became an issue as I got older - getting older plus probably more responsibility at work - which drained my resilience.

What I found helpful was emdr therapy but in a similar vein any kind of somatic therapy is the answer for me really - exercise, breath work etc. In addition to that I find routines grounding.

So as you are off for 4 weeks I would really focus on your body and routines.

Appreciate that's hard when other people are depending on you to make decisions - just pick one decision a day and deal with that.

LogicalBlodge - thanks so much for your thoughtful response. I am sorry to hear you have been through these cycles aslo. Well done in finding things that help. I think b) & c) are factors for me along with being super sensitive. I am also going through the menopause. I do think I let myself down with exercise and breadth work and am not consistent. I have relied too much on medication. I have found accupuncture helpful previously so must look into that again when I don't feel so exhasuted and scared. Thanks again for your kindness.