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How do I handle this situation

22 replies

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 19:36

I live in Ireland and there is a huge housing crisis. Housing is so limited and anything that is available, it can be so expensive.

I live at home with an aging parent. I never took advantage of my mother. I was a home bird and I usually enjoyed helping at home.

As time goes on it's getting harder and harder. I do work hard. My wage just doesn't cover a rent.

This is an issue but it's not just it.

My mother is showing some challagning behaviours and it does lead me into suspecting the possibilty of dementia.

It's getting so depressing now.

The past week has been a nightmare for me at. My mother is engaged in a severe OCD spell. She never had OCD when I was small. It looks as if something's there's no sequencing to her chores or tasks. She spent the whole week just dragging furniture around in and out from rooms. She is also in a hostile and angry mood. Also she is engaged in something nasty. Friday was bin day and all she did was just dump, dump, dump, dump, dump. She was just finding things to dump. Like jars heather they were full of not - bin, bin, bin, bin.

She wants to remover everything I own from common areas. Even toiletries from the bathroom. She is just in a major OCD mode. It's nasty. She is trying to write me off.

But it was the tone. The electricity bill came on Thursday. On Friday morning before she left to pay the bill she banged her bedroom door and came down and shouted at me just to give her my half of the bill. There was no talk or conversation or consulting with me. It was just an angry nasty hostile demand of give her the money. I always pay my way. This was nasty too. There was no need to be like that. There was no need to rush to pay it either. There was weeks to pay it. She was just so hostile.

Based on some other similar incidents in the past, I think it could likely be a UTI. She does usually recodgnise signs of peeing too much and she goes to the GP. But based on two other UTI incidents in the past it is usually accompanied by this similar type of behaviour. She likely isn't aware of this.

I don't know how to manage a UTI in her. She would more than likely only just fight me if I was to produce it test strips. I live in Ireland where pharmacists can't give antib's like in the UK.

I had today off work. I could bear it be at home and I just got up out of bed this morning and I left the home. That was before she woke. I was away all day. I am not returning home because I will need to get a bag and go and stay and a friend's for a week and hopefully let her cool off and burn that anger out.

I am dreading going home especially knowing the nasty tone that I am going to get from her. I was away all day and I never told her so I don't know if that will be another avenue for anger from her.

I am just dreading going home and if she asks me where I was all day.

I was half thinking about lieing to her and saying I was sick last night and had to go to a&e to try and soften her up or something.

She's nasty

OP posts:
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 19:38

I do have a health condition so A&E would be plausible but she has no comprehension or care about it .

OP posts:
Loveduppenguin · 31/05/2025 19:42

Didn’t want to read and run. @BlueBrickRoad that sounds hard. I’m in Ireland too and I know how hard it is here for a lot of people. How much are you earning? Do you think you’re entitled to any benefits at all? I don’t know what’s out there for single people though.

JustGiveMeWineNow · 31/05/2025 20:06

That’s awful OP. I am also in Ireland. It’s a ridiculous housing market. I can see how you feel stuck.

  1. have you asked her about the UTI.
  2. Have you asked her if she wants you to leave the house and move somewhere else
  3. Have you any siblings to help. i genuinely think if I was an elder parent I would only love one of my kids to live with me. They do say aggression is a sign of dementia. 🙈
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:15

She's likely not aware that this is likely a UTI. I think it is a UTI. It's happened before where she had some crazy like behaviour and it was UTI. She was able to recognised something was off and she went to her GP. If I was to suggest a UTI and GP she would only just argue and fight with me.

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JustGiveMeWineNow · 31/05/2025 20:16

Have you got anyone else to rationalise with her an aunt a cousin??

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:21

No, there's noone else. She comes from.a large family but only one of her own siblings keeps in touch and she hates him behind it all.

I am here only daily contact and she's treating me like a dirty rat.

OP posts:
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:21

The only time she talks properly to me is whenever she wants something from me.

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BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:22

I'm on my way home now and I and I am dreading it. I don't know what I am going to find. One day when she was in a similar episode I came home to find the fridge in a bedroom and all the mild taken away. Nearly as if she was trying to control the milk even though I buy my own milk.

OP posts:
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:23

I have no idea what I am going to say if she starts on my back

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Christwosheds · 31/05/2025 20:23

How old is your Mum OP ?

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:24

Christwosheds · 31/05/2025 20:23

How old is your Mum OP ?

She's in her early 70s

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BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:25

Yesterday's tone, anger and hostility was just uncalled for. I went to work yesterday in tears. The way she spoke to me demanding money for the bill when she could have just talked normally to me. It was nasty.

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BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:27

I'm nearly home.

Will I just go in the door and walk straight to my room?

OP posts:
Livingthebestlife · 31/05/2025 20:38

What about contacting the adult services public health nurse for your area. There's obviously something wrong and she needs to be assessed.
Or if she has an OT they can help too

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:46

I am so so so so so so depressed. I can't cope any more.

She didn't launch an attack at me because I didn't see her. I just went straight to my room and I am waiting for a pick up now. I'm not staying here.

OP posts:
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:47

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this post due to the concerning content.

Permanentlymildlymiffed · 31/05/2025 20:55

No one can get under your skin like a parent but please just realise how she treats you has nothing to do with your worth. You are worth more than harming yourself because of the pressure of this. This too shall pass! Things will get better

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 20:59

Permanentlymildlymiffed · 31/05/2025 20:55

No one can get under your skin like a parent but please just realise how she treats you has nothing to do with your worth. You are worth more than harming yourself because of the pressure of this. This too shall pass! Things will get better

This isn't about worth.

It's about working hard on an awful world where I can't even afford my own place and being bullied at home.

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Unbelievable2025 · 31/05/2025 21:11

I live in Ireland too. Could you afford a house share? Nothing is worth this.

BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 22:37

I was pottering away in the hall and she emerged from the sitting room angry - How did you get in? The front door I said. She said she had a key in it. The door was locked when I came home. She did have a key in the door but it wasn't in all the way.

I think her plan was to lock me out.

She's nasty.

I had to lie just to get some sympathy and for her to soften her mood.

I am just sick of it.

I am sick to my back teeth if other people's mood swings.

OP posts:
BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 22:39

Unbelievable2025 · 31/05/2025 21:11

I live in Ireland too. Could you afford a house share? Nothing is worth this.

I am long for house shares but it is so so so hard due to locations and work.

I firmly believe I will have to pack up my life here at some point and move into mainland Europe. There is no plans for that just yet but just to be able to afford rent.

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BlueBrickRoad · 31/05/2025 23:20

I left for the week. She was mellow towards me tonight but I don't know when she's going to turn again. She was even chatting and she was requesting for help with a grocery shop. I agreed with her and reassured her that I will help on Monday. I felt so guilty. She seemed to be lonely when I left.

I want to stay gone for the week.

She didn't sleep well last night she said.

I really think this is a UTI but she's not aware of it. She was saying it's heartburn and I suggested a UTI but she argued against that.
I can't help someone like this.

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