I was such a normal person before 2 years ago when my dear gran got ill, had a horrible drawn out illness and died. My life was work, friends, exercise, faith, home. Just normal. I have no history of addiction or mental illness.
I have been through it.
I lost my gran horribly and painfully.
I was pushed out of most of the post death process. All of a sudden I was ‘just a grandchild’ despite her being my world and it being me helping nurse her
I moved back to my hometown after 11 years overseas. This was wanted but tough.
I had to move house 3 times in 8 months
I had no friends at home
I was doing activities and really trying but it was very exhausting
I was working full time
Family weren’t getting on
I was just so alone and exhausted. And burned out.
My one safe place was my church. I know MN hates religion but that was me. There I was happy, cared for and about and safe.
I had counseling. Individual and group sessions. It really helped. I started to smile again.
Then I was put through the most traumatic event ever in my church at the hands of the one sole person I had trusted through all this. I feel not back at square one, but totally devastated.
It is 6 months on and I still cry most days
I am acting normally but I can’t ‘just get over it’
I am in my early 30s and just feel I have failed
I miss the safety of my church. I still go but I feel so hyper vigilant now.
I am a shell of who I was.
I do my activities and sport etc but I don’t feel like it.
I just feel so sad. I was such a normal person just a shirt time ago. No dramas. Nothing.
I just needed gentleness and compassion.
Thanks for reading.