Ive changed my username because of the sensitive nature, but am a long time member
Im looking for advice. For my mum really as Ive stayed at arms length, and have just really focussed on supporting her, but things I feel are reaching crisis point and Im unsure where to point her now, or if she will be able to follow through.
Brief background.
My father has had MH issues for a long time, first breakdown and hospitalisation about 40 years ago, recovered, relapse around 15 years ago, and then a third period triggered by covid and lockdown, which he has not come back from, including a suicide attempt 2 years ago. He is highly medicated but this doesnt seem to have helped. He is highly anxious and spends alot of time looking for things to be obsessively worried about, and resisting doing anything. He often says he wishes he was dead, which is difficult to hear because he obviously tried to do this before.I think he does not believe he will feel better, and so he is just going through the motions of recovery - ie doing the tasks that the OT tells him to do, but its not doing what it did previously. He is at least within the NHS system for the last 2 years.
His mother was similar, but also not very nice to him, so there may be a mix of hereditary and upbringing issues.
My sister seems to suffer from the same - she has been struggling for 35 years, and medicated with a changing mix of antidepressants, sedatives, antipsychotics, since 17, with her issues fluctuating, but really cranking up after a traumatic birth and possibly PND - when my nephew was 2 she was self prescribing from the internet alongside her many prescribed meds and ended up being hospitalised, which itself was further traumatising. Since then her MH has fluctuated more extremely to the point that she now is highly anxious all the time, and fearful of panic attacks, seems pretty agraphobic and cannot be left alone. She also overdosed but mainly to access the MH support that she wasnt able to access as she was deemed not to hit the criteria for NHS support. Her care has been atrocious to say the least. She has tried many many different private and NHS referred treatments to feel better, but nothing has worked, although I am unsure whether she follows through with the internal and uncomfortable work needed, or is expecting a miracle to be 'done to her'. Her presentation is very very similar to my father's. I am unsure whether she is within the NHS system as the recent OD doesnt seem to have triggered the same support that my father has.
My mum is kind of stuck in the middle of it all and has no support in regards how to help either of them. She tries really hard to encourage my dad to do his things, but its a hard struggle.My sister likes to come and stay, or if her husband needs to work away or needs a break, she stays, because she cant be left on her own.If my mum says no, she has often said that she feels like killing herself, and that has made my mum in the past run after her alot, although now there is a bit of resistance from her, because she is absolutely weary and drained from it all.
this brings me to our current place and my question as to where to go from here. Last night my nephew called my mum because he had been home for the weekend to visit, and had discovered that yet again my sister had been purchasing medication from the internet, and had been taking up to 16 codeine tablets a day, on top of her usual medications. I dont know whether he was told, or discovered by himself. My mum told me yesterday and said she thought she should go to hospital, but was too terrified to go there.
Im not really sure what Im asking for? Pointers. help? support for my mum, who doesnt seem to ever be considered as is still expected to carry the load when she is unwell herself? or an outside perspective of what the hell to do?