Constantly overwhelmed with life, just want to get a grip.

[Bookworm94]

Hi, I don't really know how to say all this, sorry if it comes off not right but I just need to get it off my chest.

I'm really struggling at the moment. I feel disconnected and overwhelmed by life. Feel like I'm drowning in expectations but to the outside world I don't have a lot on my plate. I guess what I'm asking is, is it normal to feel this way? Does everyone feel like this but they just put on a braver face? I just can't tell.

I have two amazing daughters, who I am so lucky to have.
I have a partner, who is a great dad but my relationship with his has been rocky for a while.
I work two 12 hour night shifts a week,
I'm doing a nvq currently for my job,
I do all the school runs, shopping, cleaning.
My partners dad and nana have had ill health and ive found myself taking on a bit of responsibility in looking after them which of course I don't mind doing.
Washing, cooking, cleaning feels endless and no matter how hard I try to keep up I feel like I'm always failing
I've lost both my mum and dad in the last five years and although I really try my best to move on, it still effects me daily.

I just feel like people are always expecting more of me and don't understand why I cant cope with more and I find myself asking the same question of myself.

I only work two nights, why does that feel like a lot? Why am I always mentally and physically drained? Why do I feel like I'm just hovering above my life and anxiously waiting for the mental load tomorrow will bring.

Don't know what I'm asking for here but I guess just advice

It sounds like you have reached burnout, possibly as a reaction to stress and loss. Who could you confide in? They may be able to help identify ways for you to step back a bit. Good luck

That looks like you’ve got a lot going on. No advice just wanted to send

That sounds like a lot to me ! Plus sleep interruptions are really hard and impact your energy levels hugely.

Your partner's nan and dad are his responsibility, not yours. Drop that particular rope and see if your life changes.

You should NOT be the one caring for your partner’s dad and Nana, that’s not fair.

I work 2 shifts too but on days now. When I did them as night shifts , I was constantly trying to catch up on myself and the 2 shifts seemed to affect the whole week. Working nights around a family is really hard work and even just 2 shifts can have a detrimental effect on your physical and mental health. Since switching too days , I've been able to cope with the house and the kid stuff much better.

This

bet you do ALL the domestic labour as well

stop taking on too much and stop taking on caring responsibilities - did your husband care for your parents

also night shifts are really impactful

Sounds like you are at full stretch. It's all tough. You are amazing and coping but it's so hard.

Night shifts are bloody hard. Humans are not designed to work through the night and life demands that you do things in the daytime. I used to work a night shift when I was at uni. It was a killer and I was only 21 then!

Your DH should work out some ways to help shoulder the load, esp. regarding his relatives. Can your DDs help more at home?

It's not just you. It's really tough. Hang in there!

Sounds like you’re everything to everyone. I’ve been there.

Firstly well done on acknowledging that you are struggling.

you could start by saying no to things. eg ‘if you’re popping out can you get xxx which means another detour on your way home.’ Just say I’m sorry but I can’t make that work.
if there’s someone taking the mickey with your time then be a little unreliable. They’ll soon stop demanding.

drop your standards. If your kids miss one rehearsal or something that’s fine. It’s ok to say I’m too tired this week why don’t you see if your dad can take you. Gift vouchers for birthdays? All good. Night out? Go for a drink and call it quits.

Delegate. Kids to clear out all rubbish from the car when you park up etc. if you eat together, one tidies, one loads the dishwasher, one wipes down and one does the floor. Ask husband to pick things up or post things when he’s out and about.

get your full sleep after your night shifts.
and prioritise sleep going forward. This will mean strict boundaries but after I cried once because I was so sleep deprived, people understood and backed off.

Vitamins, water, fresh air, nutrition are achievable basics that might make a difference. Doesn’t have to be fancy or pretty. A quick walk round the block at lunchtime, an apple on the way home.

It’s never going to be perfect but start with small changes.

Set goals for yourself and your needs.