Help with holiday anxiety

[MrsDThaskala]

I’m currently away on a half term break with DH, DC and another family. My anxiety is though the roof. I had a busy week leading up to this holiday, but it’s seriously busted through the door! To the point I’m having little shaking moments. I’ve always had holiday anxiety, I realise that home is my safe place, but I’m only in day 2 with 4 to go. I know the usual breathing exercises etc but I’m hoping by writing this down and reading responses it might make me calmer. Anyone else have this too?

What is your anxiety around?

Try grounding techniques (look up 54321) these help you connect with the present moment and come out of your head

Try writing out your worries (eg: what if X happens and then we have to XYZ?!) then categorise them all into hypothetical or ‘real’ (eg “what if one of the kids falls through the broken railings on our balcony” would be a real problem, go fix them immediately, move rooms etc). This helps you to see the wood for trees and clear away any real problems. What your left with will then be things outside of your control and every time one of these pop into your mind you can remind yourself that there’s nothing you can do about these, they haven’t happened yet and will likely never happy. Google the ‘worry tree’ to help you with this.

calming breathing truly does help, it’s not just something people say, so try focus on that when you notice physical anxiety (racing heart etc)Google breathing retraining

Make sure you’re having lots of sleep

Avoid alcohol

reduce/avoid caffeine (I say only reduce just in case you're drinking loads, as don’t want withdrawal) if you’re only drinking 1-2 cups just stop entirely for next few days

keep busy, but equally don’t try run from your thoughts - address them using worry tree

Yep! I get this so bad I just don’t go anymore. I will go max 5x days with my Mum (although she is getting older)

my only advise is walk, walk and walk some more to burn off the anxiety.

Holiday anxiety is quite common. It might help to write down what exactly you are worried about. Then create your place of safety - try relaxation exercises where you tense your muscles then relax them or mindfulness sessions - as a suggestion try the mountain meditation by Jon Kabat Zinn on YouTube. Then remind yourself you are safe - right here, right now - you are safe. Keep telling yourself that or write it down, then decide to put aside your anxiety just for the next hour and you are going to join in and enjoy the next hour etc.

Keeping busy- occupied is the only thing that distracts me which is what I’m trying to do. Breathing and night in bed. It’s everything! I have a big trip planned for Christmas and I want to cancel it all as I can’t see how I can possibly do it. Can’t show it to anyone here. Although I think it’s showing

Keeping busy is a great distraction technique but if you are using it to escape your feelings then the anxiety will remain lurking underneath. You have time between now and Christmas to practice relaxation techniques and ways to confront your fears so they no longer have a hold on you. Could you afford a therapist or refer to NHS services - it could make a huge difference for you?

I used to have this really badly and I stopped travelling altogether. I didn’t go on holiday for more than fifteen years. I then had a terrible experience where I almost died, and it shocked me and I decided to reassess. I thought that I’d regret not travelling if I died, so I started to go again, starting with short trips and gradually travelling further afield and for longer. I love travelling now, and plan to push myself further.

But things might be different for you..,

1. Do you actually want to travel? Do you have any desire for it at all (anxiety aside)?
2. Do you have anxiety around other situations as well?

Position yourself to achieve more and set higher standards for yourself everyday.

Thank you for replying. I’m trying to stay off my phone. I’ve never liked flying but have managed it quite well. This holiday is different. I can’t seem to switch off. Start of day 3 and I’m still feeling tight chested, tummy pains.

we all have anxiety at times and at home it’s not something I have to deal with. I’m generally quite a strong person. I would say I can cope with unexpected situations. It’s just a holiday thing. I hate being away from home. I feel safe in at home. I guess I’m quite a home body. If I think about it- I’m okay with going to London overnight, but two days max. But I think that’s because I know I can get home no problem if I had to. Abroad - I feel trapped.

Also- my friend asked if it was a health worry, health anxiety, like what if one of us gets poorly but I’m okay with that.

talking in here helps. Listening to advice.

I have woken up and I’m thinking god I’ve still got 4 days to go, then I start to shake.

and it’s like this with any holiday! I feel very tense packing like what if I forget something that family really needed or wanted. Very tense travelling to airport or ferry/train. And tense when whilst away. Do others get like this?

I think you are in a state of trauma at the moment. This could mean that all the usual things like mindfulness meditations etc may not have the impact you want or need them to have. I find when I’m feeling the way you describe, sometimes those things can make me feel more anxious - the only things that help me then are things like exercise, laughter, walking in nature, sitting by a beach and looking out to see and feeling the enormity of everything else and the smallness of me. I also try and make myself feel safe by allowing myself to say no to things causing me anxiety and - I know this sounds ridiculous- but by getting my partner or kids to tuck me up in bed and getting they tell me I’m to stay there for an hour and that I’m not responsible for anything in that time. Daft but effective for me.

Then I can get to the next level stuff which is more around using journalling, massage, talking to my partner etc. Avoidance through busyness is a strategy but it’s not a long-term strategy.

there’s a technique called TRE that you might want to investigate. It uses shaking in a deliberate way. There are some guided demonstrations on YouTube- it’s really worth reading about. I know someone that’s done it and she says that it’s quite good at dealing with anxiety at that visceral level. She saw a one-to-one trainer and then practices it at home. She’s like a changed person and really understands how her body was affected by anxiety.

It’s going to take time to work out what works for you but recognise that your body is probably full of cortisol right now and that’s what you need to deal with first of all.

You take care xx

Op you're not alone. I get this. Increasingly as I get older. I'm currently away and I'm managing it well but it's "there". My best advice is to go with the flow. Whether you do or you don't, the time will pass anyway. Nothing will stop the hours from going by and you getting closer to being at home. Take comfort in that. I agree with pps re walking. Make sure you're eating properly, sleeping and try not to over do the alcohol (I don't drink at all now due to my anxiety). It really will pass and if it doesn't you're not going to die from it, nothing bad is going to happen, sometimes you just have to let it run through you.

Re your next holiday. I know the feeling very very well. My advice would be to seek therapy between now and Christmas specifically looking at trauma response. I'm no expert but I've been in therapy for over a decade and what you're describing does sound like it's related to trauma.

Lastly go easy on yourself, you WILL be ok!

Yes. I get nervous about something going wrong or a medical emergency. I used to take all the embassy phone numbers with me, details of the local hospitals and car dealership in case we had a breakdown. It sounds ridiculous now and, after counselling, I’m a lot better and don’t do those things now but I still have a bit of anxiety about going away. With me it was connected with childhood trauma around sickness and death and I felt out of control when I was away. Counselling could really help.

Thank you so much. I’ll look into the things you’ve mentioned. It’s so hard isn’t it?

Me again! So I am trying the shirt trip away before the big Christmas one. I’m trying every breathing and tapping technique. Last night was bad. Hard to keep busy. So it’s the thoughts and worries that I want to get rid of. I can keep calm but then I say to myself-
oh god- what if the hotel is not good, what if we don’t like the food, what if we get lost if we go out to discover things, what if it’s my fault.

Can you download some CBT worksheets and challenge your thoughts?
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/cbt/none

You can do a free CBT course here
https://beatingtheblues.co.nz/

Magnesium is good for anxiety. You can take supplements, use oil or flakes in the bath. Meditation is also helpful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/best-meditation-apps-4767322

My new technique for the debilitating “what if” questions is to turn it round and say “even if”. So even if I don’t like the food, I’ll find something else, even if the hotel is a bit shit, it’s only a few days.

it helps with the immediate anxiety.

ideally you need to get to the root of the issue. What exactly is it you’re afraid of? Because it’s probably got nothing to with the hotels or food. Maybe it’s your family not liking it, therefore blaming you and what you’re actually worried about is people being disappointed in you. That type of thing.
have a good rummage around your brain and look under the superficial panic, what’s underneath it.

so true! I’m desperate to keep them all happy. I know that’s a big problem. I read someone’s thread a while ago about an OPs daughter’s emotions that affect her moods. I have that. I’m so grateful to be away- really I am-
but finding myself on edge
all day long. I’ve tried the breathing techniques. That helps. So I’m going to work on pushing those thoughts away. I hate counting the days away when I should be present.

trying to push the thoughts away only increases them. You need to learn ti sit with the discomfort and live with the uncertainty. Really difficult I know, it takes a lot of patience and practice.

I only desire to be a holidaymaker not a traveller, so tend to stick to Western Europe, although I am in Canada right now.

All holidays have a level of anxiety around them usually to do with flights or other timings.

Try to get the best out of the holiday, which you have paid for!

Bit also take a rest day or afternoon, don't feel the need to be always on!

I had this on my recent holiday and it ruined the whole thing, well, privately as I kept it hidden which was damn hard. I now have beta blockers and they help a great deal. I will take them on every holiday I go on now.

thanks! Feeling anxious about tomorrow. How can I get used to the uncomfortable feeling?