Teen drug use and mental health

[shizgigz]

I have posted previously on the issues DS (20) has had with alcohol and drugs for some years. Started with alcohol and moved on to drugs prob at 6th form.
Exacerbated and probably caused by serious MH problems.

He is at university and is a regular user of class A drugs alongside massive binge drinking. I know this from flatmates.

I have signposted him to several support agencies, counselling, rehab. All gets turned down flat. I can’t force him to engage, he’s an adult. He says he just needs sleeping tablets to sort his insomnia out.

Home for the summer now and has come home from nights out clearly off his face. Sleeps all day, up all night. Not eating or looking after himself.

yesterday he broke into DD’s car and tried to force the ignition. Thankfully he wasn’t successful but has caused £££s of damage and DD is heartbroken.
I am raging.

I am convinced he has something along the lines of BPD, I observe mania followed by very low depressive periods. He has mentioned suicide historically and OD’d on Valium about 6 months ago. The drug taking just makes it 10 times worse.

DD is scared to be round him and currently staying with a friend.

i just don’t know what to do; he is on a one way road to self destruction.
I told him yesterday he would have to stay at his Dad’s as I was scared of having him under my roof and I got every emotion under the sun. Tears, anger, remorse - how I was a terrible mother for kicking him out .

Has he been referred to the community mental health team for assessment?

Can I do that without his consent?

When you say BPD do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder, or bipolar depression? BPD stands for the former but you seem to be describing the latter.

Sorry meant bi-polar

I wouldn't have let him home until he has sorted himself out.
Your daughter is terrified and had to move out. What message are you sending out.
You are prioritising a druggie over her.

yes I get that. He’s going to his Dad’s tonight

I’m not sure you can if he’s presenting well enough to know what he’s doing. I’m assuming from your question that he wouldn’t agree to go to gp with you, it’s an awful part of these conditions that people don’t realise they are ill. It took my Dad years to get my Mum help and he had to go privately in the end. She has schizophrenia. It’s possible your only route in is via the police.

if he is ill then it’s important to remember that he isn’t choosing to be this way.

In your situation, I would google the number for local CMHT and give them a call. Ask for their help and guidance, explain the behaviour and that your concern is that he is mentally unwell with a mood disorder like bipolar disorder and he doesn’t realise he is ill. How can you get him help when he’s an adult to doesn’t realise he’s ill. They will have seen this so many times. They will have more knowledge about this than your GP. Hopefully there will be some routes you can take. All the best.

I think being clear to him with what boundaries you will accept in your own home is how you can protect yourself going forward. You sound like you have been a good mother and are obviously concerned about how his adult life is turning out but he is an adult and he will make his own choices and he has to accept responsibility for them.

They won’t talk to you I’m afraid. They can’t without his consent as he is an adult. If you have 111 mental health line in your area you could try that just to talk it through but again it’s very limited what anyone can do without his permission

You cannot diagnose bipolar in the face of that level of drug use. Manic symptoms and psychosis can be induced by use of stimulant drugs. The CMHT will tell him to deal with the drug use first. The likelihood is the problems will go away if he stops using. Not ever what any addict wants to hear. There wil be local drug and alcohol services he can self refer to without even needing the GP but it doesn’t look as though he will

I would recommend reporting him to police for the criminal damage to the car and refusing to allow him to stay if he continues to use and to behave in that way. He needs consequences to realise that his actions are wrong and change course.

He will be offered a mental health assessment in custody and if he is really obviously mentally ill when arrested he would be seen by the MH team (but only if he displays symptoms at the time of arrest)

Thank you…. Yes I did think MH services would tell him to deal with addiction issues first. If only he would take that on board.

Maybe I should have called the police. With each episode his behaviour gets more extreme - what’s next?
For now I think the best thing is to remove him from this house and let his
Dad deal with it. He’s already saying he won’t go but if I present him with police involvement as an alternative he might think differently.

i cannot believe this is happening

Seriously call the police. It’s criminal damage. He needs to know the consequences. He persists in the behaviour because he has no consequences

Just be aware that there is a view (since 1970s experiments either Rat Parks) that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety but connection. So isolation, judgement and shame worsen the problem.

Drug and alcohol use is common with some mental health issues - so it can be a little bit and chicken egg which came first.

To clarify, I wasn’t suggesting that you spoke to CMHT to circumvent a lawful process, which would involve/require your son’s consent but for advice on how help can be accessed in these circumstances. There must be processes in place for accessing help for people who don’t realise they are ill. It’s a heck of an assumption that the drug use came first or hasn’t contributed or led to mental health issues. Possible of course but equally possibly not,

I do see this potentially ending up in a situation where the police get involved. They do as mentioned have the power to request a mental health assessment.

Hi @shizgigz

I am sorry you are going through this. I am having the same problem with my 21 year old daughter. Her last drug/drunk binge ended with her self harming badly and take pain killer pills. I have tried to sit down a few times and have a chat but nothing works. She said she doesn't want to stop the drink/drugs and her MH is the problem, but the MH team won't help until she stops the drugs. I have tried getting her to leave, but she has nowhere else to go, even with a homeless application. The impact it is having on my life is awful, to the point I am struggling to cope. I am paying for the all the bills, I have stopped helping her with money, but paying for the debt she has left me in.

There just doesn't seem to be any help.

I would say that now he is out of your house, keep him out. Only give him support if he is working towards helping himself. Also I would report the car damage to the police, although it is easier said than done.

@Coffee2021 I am so sorry you are going through this too.
It utterly rips you apart.

I am getting bomabrded by messages saying I’m a terrible Mum “kicking him out” and it’s all been blown out of proportion. He is desperate to come back but I can’t let it happen until he gets help. He is lucky he has another home to stay at

Set goals for yourself and stay blessed in your thinking.