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Original poster

Brothers friend age 21 tried it on with me at 14

21 replies

lauralulu · 21/05/2025 21:46

My brothers friend got into bed with me when I was 14 and pressed himself against me pretty much trying to have sex with me. im nearly 40 now and it has really affected me. To make things worse my brother thinks what happened was acceptable . I get the feeling it was normal back then to my brother and his friends.
Am I right to be upset over this . I was going to bars at this age and my brother uses that fact to defend his friend .

OP posts:
alcoholnightmare · 21/05/2025 21:49

Please tell me your brother has zero access to your children?
I’d be NC with your brother.
very very difficult to prosecute now as zero evidence and SO long ago. im so sorry he did that to you, and your brother… and parents… did sod all

Original poster
lauralulu · 21/05/2025 21:57

Thanks for your reply.
I don’t have any children . Experiences like this have made me asexual. I just use Mumsnet as it’s a safe space.

The lack of support from my brother is what hurts the most. He even had this man as his best man at his wedding .

OP posts:
Original poster
lauralulu · 21/05/2025 21:58

What does NC mean please ?

OP posts:
mechanicalpencil · 21/05/2025 22:00

No Contact

DoAWheelie · 21/05/2025 22:00

lauralulu · 21/05/2025 21:58

What does NC mean please ?

No contact

mechanicalpencil · 21/05/2025 22:02

I am very sorry that happened to you OP, that is awful.
I can also imagine how betrayed you must feel by your brother, someone you would hope would have your back.
Have you ever spoken to anyone about it before? Like counseling etc?

Original poster
lauralulu · 21/05/2025 22:08

Thank you so much.

my sister also doesn’t support me. She continues to see this man and sees nothing wrong with what happened despite her having a very professional career.

I haven’t had counselling about it but I think maybe I should. The fact that my family have reacted in such a dismissive way makes me question whether it was partly my fault as I was acting older than I was. I feel so screwed up about it and feel like distancing myself from both siblings

OP posts:
mechanicalpencil · 21/05/2025 22:20

Absolutely NOT your fault, although very common to blame ourselves sadly.
You were 14, a child 😟

Finding a good counselor could help you talk through what happened and help process it.

Very sad to hear no support from your sister either though. It sounds like this man is quite close with other members of your family which makes things even tougher because I would imagine the constant reminder is always there.

Yes, if neither of your siblings have listened properly or demonstrated support and in full possession of the facts continue to hang out with this person then yes I would consider distancing myself from them for your own healing 💜 You are worth so much more.

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 22:34

i Have created a new account for confidentiality purposes. This is Laura still.

thabks so much for your support. It feels so good to be heard at last. Yes it makes things worse that my sister allows this man to tutor her 14 year old son .

they often bring his name up when we are together and it’s a constant reminder and I find it so hard to hear his name .

my brother has my mum wrapped around his finger by making out I shouldn’t have been going out etc at that age. Like that makes it ok. she is supportive but also has been talked round by my brother .

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/05/2025 22:40

I would be pretty open and refer openly to him “your paedo friend” until everyone accepts him for what he is, a paedo.

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 22:41

when they mention him I say “ don’t mention that bastard”
my mum has told them never to mention him around me but they sometimes forget.

I should do what u suggested.

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 22:42

It’s like they know what he did and just think it’s acceptable . I have no idea why they would accept that

IndigoBluey · 21/05/2025 22:43

@alcoholnightmarethe OP does not mention she has children?

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 22:45

Hey . No I don’t .
I struggle massively with relationships now

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 22:47

I am so grateful for all your support . It really means a lot

mechanicalpencil · 21/05/2025 22:59

And of course keep talking here as long as you need x

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 23:06

I just spoke to my mum about it and she said I’m being unchristian not forgiving him.

she can’t seem to take what has happened

mechanicalpencil · 21/05/2025 23:14

Sorry your family are so massively unsupportive OP.
You need time and support to heal and process what happened so you can move on with your life and live life how you want without being held back.

Do you have any close friends in real life who you could/have opened up to?

nocoolnamesleft · 21/05/2025 23:18

That was sexual assault of a child by an adult. I am so sorry that your family have minimised this.

Dixy399 · 21/05/2025 23:21

I can’t stop crying it hurts so much more the way they are dismissing me

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