How to trust friends again

[ethanameliamummy]

Long story short, I had a friend for 12 years since our kids were little. We were both going through a really hard time at the same time. I confided in her as one of my closest friends. This turned out to be a massive mistake and she launched into a nasty attack on my character and how selfish I’d been over last 12 months. It is genuinely the nastiest encounter I have ever had. We no longer speak. I have lovely friends - some new and some existing but all my interactions are very surface level and I don’t feel safe to open up about anything to anyone. How do I get past this? I trust no one.

Oh that sounds terrible @ethanameliamummy , had you had any indications she was that horrible before?

Not to me directly but to others who have also backtracked. I knew she was capable but didn’t think I’d ever be on the receiving end.

Been there OP, except instead of an aggressive attack (which in a sense I might have preferred, as at least I would have know what the issue was), I was suddenly and totally frozen out of our friendship group with no explanation. I can only assume from a couple of comments/‘jokes’ that have been made at my expense in wider social situations where we come across each other still that the issue was my need for support during a difficult time, which, just like you, I thought was reciprocal, but it seems they’d had enough. It’s one of the most painful and lonely things I’ve gone through as an adult. I’ve confided about this and any other challenging circumstances more recently in only a couple of trusted people, and even then when I speak about things, panic for days after that I’ve overshared and history will repeat itself.

I don’t have much in the way of advice, but you have my solidarity, and I’m interested in other responses.

Sorry to hear this OP. I’ve been through this a couple of times with colleagues I’ve worked with. We became friends, really good friends…or so I thought. I now tread very very carefully. I’ll never be as open again.

I’m sorry you’ve been through this. I’m just fed up of overthinking everything I say or do as a result of it. I have been there to listen to her for the better part of 10 years but as soon as I need anything, it was literally thrown back at me. I’ve been fortunate to meet some new lovely people but I’m so cautious about saying anything meaningful to anyone. I just want to forget and move on

Women can be vile. My daughter goes through this at school and I didn’t think grown women would be the same. It’s just bullying.