My anxiety is off the scale

[123456abcdefg]

So, I’ve suffered with anxiety for quite a few years but have managed to hide it well. Up till now……
I’ve shot myself in the foot, I’m peri-menopausal & my head just seems all over the place recently. I am suffering with symptoms but yet to see a GP.
I applied for a job, my previous boss moved there, is local & had really wanted the opportunity in the past. I still do but due to the businesses being somewhat connected I had to go through the correct channels, apply via agency etc.
After speaking to the agency (he was actually really unprofessional, loads of questions regarding my personal circumstances, current pay, children etc) I severely started doubting myself, there was one part in the job description that I previously hadn’t done before. The consultant overplayed the importance of it.
I spoke to my previous boss today (now a group director of the company) & was more or less told that he had put in such a good reference that I had an extremely high chance of getting the job.
I’ve never done this before, it would have been a £10k pay increase.
Why! WTF is wrong with me. I am not usually like this.

I've read your post a few times and can't make head nor tail of it. Are you worried about not getting the job or not getting it?

Edited - I had confused myself!

I told the consultant I wasn’t going ahead with my application

Oh no, can you change your mind about that?

I've been doing the HADS test for anxiety and depression tonight - I've come out pretty high for anxiety. It sucks, so sympathy.

@AtlanticSeal No, I’ve missed the opportunity. I am an idiot. 😥. Yes, it does suck. Hope you’re ok :)

That's a shame, but it's happened - try to remember to talk to yourself kindly.

What about going forwards - do you have some kind of a plan, both with regard to work and wellbeing?

Well yes, it’s forced me to book a doctors appointment today. I do neglect my health due to the 8am scramble as I’m usually commuting at this time but have a phone call booked in next week hopefully they can take my bloods & I can be put on HRT.
Just looks like I’m staying in my current job for now, not great for my current MH but hopefully after treatment & with a more positive mindset I’ll regain the confidence to try again 🙂

Fab, that's a great step in the right direction.

You're doing better than me - I'm paddling in denial, as I feel a bit better today.

I changed my job a couple of years ago, after being in my previous role for a decade+. The whole thing was really confidence-giving - getting my CV / application together, interviewing successfully, and then settling into my new role. I also thought about any things I wanted for my CV, and made sure I got some of the in my previous role.

@123456abcdefg can you tell the consultant that you do want it after all?

You mentioned that he was unprofessional. I haven't dealt with a recruitment consultant for some time but in my experience they are trying to get to know the real you and they will ask more personal questions than you'll ever get at a client facing interview.

I've ended up going for drinks with recruiters before. They're basically the people to whom you tell the truth or a version of it. And that helps them match you up with the right job.

So they may not be able to say to you that a certain client awful in various ways, but they will know that you're not a good fit for them and that seems to help.

@EmeraldRoulette I’ve dealt with my fair share of consultants. I’ve relocated & worked as a temp for 3 years before my current job. I also work with consultants as we have temps where I currently work. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable. By this is mean -

• He was working from home, signal was poor (his end) & was clearly frustrated during the call & I felt as if I got the brunt.
• Without wanting to be outing said company perform a task on a monthly basis, I do said task weekly. His comments were ‘mine were much more manageable’ very dismissive not realising that by if you times my weekly numbers mine were actually higher, also the weekly requirement means less cover & a much higher volume in a shorter period of time.
• Asked me about marital status, children, & current salary (none of which I think is relevant/should be asked)
• Constantly overplayed his importance, how he would only be putting certain cv’s forward, reluctantly agreed to put my cv forward when I suggested a director thought I would be a fit.
• Repeatedly declared that one task is a must (have since found out it’s not).

I kinda think he was fairly new to the job. I’ve tried telling the consultant I do want to apply (4 days later). I’ve been told the job is filled. I am also 99.9% sure that this is not the case, I had 3 interviews for mine.

@AtlanticSeal Wishing you the best, I was really down today too. I think the doctors appointment has given me a glimmer of hope 🤞
I totally agree securing a new role can really help with confidence. I get you can get knocked back after the interview but I never even got that far 😣