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Original poster

Find my old self again

6 replies

claire2018 · 19/05/2025 20:00

Evening all,

I’m hoping some of you can give me some advice and tips.

I’m really struggling with a few things at the moment. I’m grieving for my sister who passed suddenly last year, I started a new job which I thought would be great but I am having issues with my manager (the company is great), and I am struggling to move because I can’t find a property suitable and I have the neighbours from hell.

I had a horrific experience with an old job, I worked there for 8 years and it was brilliant, but my team leader had an affair with the new girl and as a result I was bullied by picking up extra work, taking shorter lunches so they could have lunch together etc. I raised a complaint with management and essentially was kicked out of my job the January before Covid whilst they were able to continue with their lives.

Before this incident I was the most confident person you could meet and I was so sure of my actions and decisions that I wouldn’t take nonsense from anyone.

Since this has happened I have lost all confidence and my mental health has taken a real battering, I finally got my confidence up to a good level and now my boss is being off with me and I don’t know why, I can feel all of these emotions are coming back to me that I had in my old work.

To top it off I had a panic attack 2 years ago and have developed health anxiety as a result, I have managed to get better from this but stress aggravates it and I’m now worried I will have another panic attack from this.

I want to stop overthinking and clear my head and be the person I used to be but I don’t know how.

Any advice is appreciated as I want to get my life and the old me back.

OP posts:
Catofthesouth · 20/05/2025 00:07

oh lovely, bless you. I felt really traumatised after a bad work experience; it takes a while to get over it. You are grieving and you need to feel safe and supported. Does your work have any kind of support available? Take it, if so. Otherwise just put yourself first, that’s my best advice.

remind yourself of all the things you have done; you are strong but everyone has wobbles. It is normal. Maybe reach out to online support, I know it feels odd but Cruse have a great helpline for bereavement support. You can do it. Lots of love xxxx

DuchessDandelion · 20/05/2025 00:20

Workplace bullying is the worst and I'm sorry you've been through it. My mental health suffered massively after bullying at work and my confidence went through the floor.

It's definitely not just you. There are lots of posts here alone where people describe crippling anxiety and destroyed confidence after experiencing bullying at work, it really helped me to realise that it's so common.

Be consistently kind & gentle with yourself. Never beat yourself up for feeling shaken, for anxiety flaring up or for lacking in resilience you once had. With time, your resilience will come back and your nervous system will calm down.

You've already come so far, acknowledge how far you've recovered and the work you've put in. Recognise that your anxiety & thoughts now are a normal and natural response to a defined trigger. Your nervous system was always going to react this way because it took such a beating before. So, remind it that you've got this.

The usual mindfulness techniques can help in the moment- meditation, breathwork, a brisk walk but you also need to deal with your current situation. That's OK, you can do that.

How long has your boss been off with it? If it's just a few days, ignore it - they could be having a bad week. If longer then you need to tackle it head on. Have a meeting, or in your 121, ask them if there's a problem or issue you need to be aware. Say that you've sensed they're not so happy with you at the moment, can you address it?

State clearly that its been making you stressed & anxious because you'll need to have done so should there ever be a need to refer to history.

Take a solution-finding approach, stay calm and matter of fact. Chances are whatever it is, if anything, that the fear of it is 100% greater in your head!

Once you've tackled this and dealt with it, your nervous system will have a newer, better experience to refer to which will help it reset so that you don't feel so worried in future, but stronger instead.

Original poster
claire2018 · 20/05/2025 07:33

Catofthesouth · 20/05/2025 00:07

oh lovely, bless you. I felt really traumatised after a bad work experience; it takes a while to get over it. You are grieving and you need to feel safe and supported. Does your work have any kind of support available? Take it, if so. Otherwise just put yourself first, that’s my best advice.

remind yourself of all the things you have done; you are strong but everyone has wobbles. It is normal. Maybe reach out to online support, I know it feels odd but Cruse have a great helpline for bereavement support. You can do it. Lots of love xxxx

Thank you. My boss in my current employment isn’t being the nicest, she is giving me red flags as to how my old job was. Thankfully I have got HR involved and someone quite senior in management helping me and speaking to the regional directors.

I just want to reset and be how I used to be, it infuriates me that the people involved in my old job have just been allowed to continue as they are whilst I have had to suffer.

OP posts:
Original poster
claire2018 · 20/05/2025 07:46

DuchessDandelion · 20/05/2025 00:20

Workplace bullying is the worst and I'm sorry you've been through it. My mental health suffered massively after bullying at work and my confidence went through the floor.

It's definitely not just you. There are lots of posts here alone where people describe crippling anxiety and destroyed confidence after experiencing bullying at work, it really helped me to realise that it's so common.

Be consistently kind & gentle with yourself. Never beat yourself up for feeling shaken, for anxiety flaring up or for lacking in resilience you once had. With time, your resilience will come back and your nervous system will calm down.

You've already come so far, acknowledge how far you've recovered and the work you've put in. Recognise that your anxiety & thoughts now are a normal and natural response to a defined trigger. Your nervous system was always going to react this way because it took such a beating before. So, remind it that you've got this.

The usual mindfulness techniques can help in the moment- meditation, breathwork, a brisk walk but you also need to deal with your current situation. That's OK, you can do that.

How long has your boss been off with it? If it's just a few days, ignore it - they could be having a bad week. If longer then you need to tackle it head on. Have a meeting, or in your 121, ask them if there's a problem or issue you need to be aware. Say that you've sensed they're not so happy with you at the moment, can you address it?

State clearly that its been making you stressed & anxious because you'll need to have done so should there ever be a need to refer to history.

Take a solution-finding approach, stay calm and matter of fact. Chances are whatever it is, if anything, that the fear of it is 100% greater in your head!

Once you've tackled this and dealt with it, your nervous system will have a newer, better experience to refer to which will help it reset so that you don't feel so worried in future, but stronger instead.

Edited

Thank you so much. My boss has been off with me for a few weeks, it makes me feel like she wants me out of the business which I don’t want to do as I love the company.

I am speaking to the doctors today as I need some guidance with my mental health especially the loss of my sister, it feels like I am only just grieving her and realising she isn’t with us anymore.

My old job was horrendous, I never felt to now in my life I was suicidal. Part of me wants to write to the CEO and explain what happened, if I had the money I would have sued them. My confidence hasn’t recovered since and I miss the old me.

OP posts:
spicemaiden · 20/05/2025 07:55

Hi. I’ve been where you are and am only just starting to CMS out of the other side (years of domestic abuse, shit mother, abuse of professionals and court system, workplace bullying)

Im still pretty fragile.

I’ve joined a gym and am doing couch to 5k and weights. I gif a dog and walk her. I had the massive fortune to get a job I never expected I’d get and to be working in a pretty good working environment (there is some toxicity but I stay out of it as I can) an amazing supportive boss and an employer who is shit hot on mental health etc (theyre a local authority)

Ive joined my union which gives me a (perhaps false) sense o safety.

I go an visit friends regularly all over yhd country. I’ve started dating for fun (zero intention of getting emotionally involved)

I do small amounts of meditation.

I treat myself to nice to things.

There is no magic formula - it’s trial and error until you find what works for you. But anything that gives you a lift (that’s not harmful to you in the process) is a good thing, even if it’s something as simple as a nice coffee and a nice walk somewhere pretty.

Original poster
claire2018 · 20/05/2025 08:23

spicemaiden · 20/05/2025 07:55

Hi. I’ve been where you are and am only just starting to CMS out of the other side (years of domestic abuse, shit mother, abuse of professionals and court system, workplace bullying)

Im still pretty fragile.

I’ve joined a gym and am doing couch to 5k and weights. I gif a dog and walk her. I had the massive fortune to get a job I never expected I’d get and to be working in a pretty good working environment (there is some toxicity but I stay out of it as I can) an amazing supportive boss and an employer who is shit hot on mental health etc (theyre a local authority)

Ive joined my union which gives me a (perhaps false) sense o safety.

I go an visit friends regularly all over yhd country. I’ve started dating for fun (zero intention of getting emotionally involved)

I do small amounts of meditation.

I treat myself to nice to things.

There is no magic formula - it’s trial and error until you find what works for you. But anything that gives you a lift (that’s not harmful to you in the process) is a good thing, even if it’s something as simple as a nice coffee and a nice walk somewhere pretty.

Sorry to hear you have been through all of this. Sounds like you are making progress and moving forward.

Im going to speak to Doctor today and see what he recommends, as I can’t think straight at the moment.

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