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Mental Health after 2nd child

1 reply

Char123oppo · 19/05/2025 13:46

Hi everyone,

I’m really ashamed to speak about this, I just had my second child in February he’s now 12 weeks old and I have another son that is nearly 3 years old. He was amazing with the baby but the last 2 weeks have been hell. He keeps telling me he hates him, he wants the baby back in my tummy, hitting kicking and pinching him etc which just pains me as he has always been the sweetest little boy. It’s affecting me really bad mentally, he’s just turned infact quite horrible and it’s making me not want to be around him. I look forward to the days where he’s at nursery so I don’t have to deal with him and I feel so much anger towards him. He’s hurting my little baby and is not listening to a word that me or his dad say, if we ask him to do something he does the complete opposite. I don’t think it’s normal to feel this way as I’m starting to not like him and not want to be around him. I know this is a massive change to him and he’s still a baby himself, it must be so challenging for him but I can’t help how I feel. I even beg his dad to take him if he’s popping to the shop so I don’t have to be around him. I feel sick writing this because how can someone feel this about their child. Before the second baby he was my absolute everything, I was so so in love with him but those feelings have gone. Is this a sign of some sort of mental health problem because the way I feel isn’t okay and I don’t know who to speak to about it. I just want it to go back to how it was before the baby. I feel no resentment towards my 12 week old, I love him so much which makes me feel even worse.

OP posts:
xmasdealhunter · 19/05/2025 14:51

Your Ds is struggling with the new baby (which is normal), and he misses having your 1-1 attention, hence why he's acting out. Would it be possible for dad to take the baby for a couple of hours so that you and DS can have some time together?

Try and get DS involved in different activities with the baby too ('could you choose a nappy for baby', 'could you help me choose what clothes the baby should wear', 'can you help me read a story to baby? you turn the pages'.) Overly praise him (you're being such a good help, you're being such a good big brother) but also make sure that he's getting individual positive attention. The baby is so new that it takes a while to adjust for all of you, but it will get easier. Just keep in mind that he is not being deliberately difficult, he is struggling with change and needs patience.

This book is great (especially because it's interactive!) I'm a New Big Brother: A Pirate Pete book (Pirate Pete and Princess Polly): Amazon.co.uk: Amanda Li: 9781409313748: Books. It gives different examples of how he can help the baby.

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