How can I help my friend?

[Howtohelpfriend]

A close friend has had a mental health breakdown recently. I have been in contact with her but she's not ready to respond. I'm in touch with her family who have made sure she has professional support. I love her very much as we've been friends for a long time, but I feel so helpless and worried for her. There were no signs she was struggling before this happened. Is there anything I can do to help? I've name changed for this post and I know it's not about me btw. Maybe someone who has been through similar can relate what they appreciated from friends? Thank you in advance.

Practical help
does she have children?

It’s very nice of you to ask and to be so supportive. I think the occasional text to check in and say you’re thinking of her is nice, even if she’s not ready to respond. Could you send her a small gift? Or perhaps some practical help? x

Sorry your friend is unwell. How far away do you live from her? Before this happened how did you usually keep in touch with each other and how often did you usually see her? (Asking since seems relevant to what you might do, or not!)

Thanks for the replies - I never thought this would happen so now the initial shock has subsided I'm looking for ways I can help/support her. She has grown up children and a husband, parents still alive and is very sociable. We would usually communicate via WhatsApp fairly frequently and phone calls every few weeks. We share a friendship group of about ten with a group chat. We are a three hour drive apart. I am thinking of asking her husband what she might appreciate without overwhelming her - I've known him for almost as long as I've known her.

I have bipolar and when I’m unwell I hate being smothered. And I isolate myself but I do appreciate a short what’s app asking how I am or best of all a “thinking of you” with no demands. I can then chose my level of engagement happy in the knowledge my friends don’t expect much contact in return but equally are there if I want to chat further

I have chronic depression that sometimes turns into a major episode and I’m the same.

I know you’ve said you’re close, but I think you would be surprised how often people have chronic mild to moderate symptoms of depression/ anxiety/ psychiatric illness and don’t tell even close friends.
Only my family know about my history with mh problems, even close friends have no idea. People are often shocked when they find out because I mask so well I think I sort of overcompensate and then people end up thinking I’m the last person they’d expect to have mh problems.
The only friends I’ve talked about mh with are people who also suffer.
Anyway, to you it is a shock and a crisis situation but consider from your friends perspective (and her family’s) that it might not be to them. They might not be very open about it either, lots of people are very private about it. Her husband is probably not likely to talk freely about it with you because he would be speaking on her behalf.
I don’t know if you have experience with psychiatric illness but it is not like physical illness. It is very common as pp mentioned to not want to see people. When I was hospitalised after a breakdown I didn’t want to see people except family and only certain members. I knew I wasn’t myself, I felt vulnerable and I had no energy for people.
Just send her a WhatsApp every so often along the lines of Thinking of you as @itsanamechangeforme said. Then she knows you are there, but there’s no pressure and she can let you know what she needs.
If you contact her husband, don’t ask about what happened, push for or expect any information, just ask if they need anything/ if there’s anything you can do.
Be very calm and don’t make a big deal out of it. It is professional help and good family support she needs right now and to know her friends are there for her if she needs them/ when she is ready.

@itsanamechangeforme

@LoveBecomesaHabit

Thanks for your posts. I have my own mental health issues and have suffered periods of depression and severe stress and anxiety. This looks to be worse.