As far as I can remember I have often overreacted. In the moment I feel like I’m right and it gives me instant relief from the frustration I’m feeling at a situation. I end up shouting, saying mean things to people I love and then it takes me a while to calm down. Once I do feel calm I apologise, sometimes cry and feel an immense sense of shame.
I’ve always been very sensitive and shy and have often cried easily. I don’t remember my parents lashing out or saying horrible things to each other or to me so I’m not sure where this has come from. The only thing I do remember is having a sense of shame at showing my emotions, like my sensitivities were an inconvenience to my family. I remember it always being my fault whenever there was a disagreement with a sibling, and if I cried they would think it was attention seeking. I was always comforted when I cried when upset about other things, but if it was the result of an argument with siblings or disagreement somewhere I felt I got no sympathy. So maybe it’s come from there.
perhaps I’m acting out because of a childhood trauma of not feeling heard/listened to and needs not being met?
I am lucky to have a kind and loving husband and 2 young children, and have a good relationship with my parents. I feel awful that they put up with my short fuse and I have so much self loathing.
in the moment it feels right to lose my temper, and I feel so so angry, but when I calm down I realise I went too far.
I want to speak calmly and be rational but I find it so hard. When my child has a tantrum I’ll initially handle it well but if it goes on and on and doesn’t seem to be getting any better I sometimes get annoyed and shout. I suppose this has been exasperated by being tired from having 2 young children. I’m also on maternity leave at the moment which I think doesn’t help.
It doesn’t happen all the time, but maybe once a week, sometimes more sometimes less.
I’ve also often wondered if I’m autistic, I have social anxiety and can get very upset if things don’t go to plan.
does anyone else feel like this? I have struggled to access CBT because I can’t afford to pay for it right now, the only thing I have accessed is typed therapy through the NHS but didn’t find it helpful.
I don’t want to be like this but don’t know how to change.