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Anger issues - flying off the handle at loved ones

5 replies

Peonyyyy · 10/05/2025 15:29

As far as I can remember I have often overreacted. In the moment I feel like I’m right and it gives me instant relief from the frustration I’m feeling at a situation. I end up shouting, saying mean things to people I love and then it takes me a while to calm down. Once I do feel calm I apologise, sometimes cry and feel an immense sense of shame.

I’ve always been very sensitive and shy and have often cried easily. I don’t remember my parents lashing out or saying horrible things to each other or to me so I’m not sure where this has come from. The only thing I do remember is having a sense of shame at showing my emotions, like my sensitivities were an inconvenience to my family. I remember it always being my fault whenever there was a disagreement with a sibling, and if I cried they would think it was attention seeking. I was always comforted when I cried when upset about other things, but if it was the result of an argument with siblings or disagreement somewhere I felt I got no sympathy. So maybe it’s come from there.

perhaps I’m acting out because of a childhood trauma of not feeling heard/listened to and needs not being met?

I am lucky to have a kind and loving husband and 2 young children, and have a good relationship with my parents. I feel awful that they put up with my short fuse and I have so much self loathing.

in the moment it feels right to lose my temper, and I feel so so angry, but when I calm down I realise I went too far.

I want to speak calmly and be rational but I find it so hard. When my child has a tantrum I’ll initially handle it well but if it goes on and on and doesn’t seem to be getting any better I sometimes get annoyed and shout. I suppose this has been exasperated by being tired from having 2 young children. I’m also on maternity leave at the moment which I think doesn’t help.

It doesn’t happen all the time, but maybe once a week, sometimes more sometimes less.

I’ve also often wondered if I’m autistic, I have social anxiety and can get very upset if things don’t go to plan.

does anyone else feel like this? I have struggled to access CBT because I can’t afford to pay for it right now, the only thing I have accessed is typed therapy through the NHS but didn’t find it helpful.

I don’t want to be like this but don’t know how to change.

OP posts:
shalamakooky · 10/05/2025 15:33

Therapist here
go online and search therapy resources for CBT
Get self help.com
CCI

CBT for dummies book
the more work you put in, the better

StrawberryDaquiri69 · 10/05/2025 15:59

Also a therapist here, depending on where you live, you might be able to get free/low fee therapy if you're willing to do therapy 4x week and can travel... The London Clinic of Psychoanalysis and the Northern School of Psychotherapy both offer this if one is close to you. There was also something in Birmingham once, but not sure anymore.

https://www.cpu-london.com/

https://selmind.org.uk/directory/london-clinic-of-psychoanalysis/

https://psychoanalysis.org.uk/sites/default/files/documents/pages/CSN_leaflet.pdf

CPU London

https://www.cpu-london.com

StrawberryDaquiri69 · 10/05/2025 16:03

Also...
I’ve also often wondered if I’m autistic, I have social anxiety and can get very upset if things don’t go to plan.

ASD symptoms are also seen in people with complex trauma, so going down the therapy route will help you either way.

If you have no luck with the psychotherapy training places above, there's absolutely no harm in searching for local therapists and asking every on of them if they have low-fee places. Many of us do.

https://www.bpc.org.uk/information-support/find-a-therapist-or-clinic/

Find a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, or clinic

Use our search function to find a BPC registered therapist near you. You can search by location plus specified distance, name, availability, or specialism. Click on the Registrant's 'card' for more information.

https://www.bpc.org.uk/information-support/find-a-therapist-or-clinic/

Peonyyyy · 11/05/2025 09:00

Thank you so much everyone this is all so helpful. The STOPP technique looks good. I hope to be able to implicate this in the future.

My main struggle with accessing mental health support is simply not having the time - with 2 children I am with them whenever I’m not working, and as we now have two my husband and I do bedtime together so I only have a couple of hours free in the evening. I don’t have anyone that could look after them during the week while I go to therapy. One is at nursery some of the week and I’m on maternity leave, once the second one starts nursery I’ll be working.

ive tried online therapy in the evening but it got to a point where I was struggling to fit it in because one of my children would need something or I would just be busy tidying up, making bottles etc. me and my husband split everything 50/50 but there is a lot of chores to do.

I am not in a major city and about 2.5 hours away from London, so this also doesn’t help, but I will have a look at these links and see if there is anything that could work.

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