Daughter Travelling for 6+ months

[Mumofagrownupdaughter]

My 24 year old daughter has recently told me that she is traveling to Australia for the winter months with her partner of almost 8 years x I have always suffered with anxiety and have gone down a massive rabbit hole and I am struggling with all the what ifs.

she is my only much wanted child and I have basically built my life around her and the thought of her not returning/ wanting to live in Australia permanently is making me feel like my life is not even worth living.

I have a husband who is supportive to a point but gets very frustrated when my anxiety and thoughts cripple me which they are doing now - I feel unable to function and just do everyday tasks.

I also have recovered from alcohol use disorder when my daughter was around 8 and I am
concerned that alcohol will be my crutch again and then I will lose everything.

Any advice / help for managing my despair would be great. I have reached out for professional support through work - I want to be strong and support my daughter through her ‘travel journey’ but with wvery day that has passed since ahe told me I just feel absolutely awful and like I am dying inside. She is my one and only and I feel like she is my life. I have a job and a good support network but this is almost too much to bear.

I’m sorry OP. The issue is that you’ve built your life around her. The good thing is you’ve raised a confident young woman. It’s now time for you to build your own life. What do you want to do? What hobbies could you do? What could you enjoy for you?
Then you can build your relationship with her as an adult. When you FaceTime or see her again you’ll have lots to talk about. She will always be your daughter OP. I hope she has a wonderful time.

First answer, as ever.

Yep, first post hits the nail on the head.

This is a big wake up call to get proper help and get it quick.

If you carry on as you are, you run the real risk of your dd deciding that she has to break free and stay there.

she is my only much wanted child and I have basically built my life around her

I'd recommend start building yourself a life that doesn't revolve around your daughter - she's 24 and will need to do her own thing.

I don't want to sound mean but maybe that's why your daughter wants to move away.

Yes you need to build yourself a new life. I know that is easier said than done. But try and do It for her sake. She would, I’m sure, be horrified to know how you feel, nobody should build their entire happiness in one person - it’s not fair on them.

BTW I find the implication that you love her more than other mothers love their kids because she’s an only and you are dependent on her, really bloody annoying.

Sorry I did not mean to imply anything

Given what you've said about being unable to get on with everyday tasks, I think you should consider seeing your GP and a therapist to get some support with this. After that you can focus on the vital task of building up a life for yourself that does not revolve around your daughter. Our adult children should not be our 'everything'. Her travelling and being independent is healthy. It reminds me of that quote about our children not really being ours, but belonging to the world. We are just the custodians for a short while. It's really hard to accept but it is really important for your sake that you do, and your relationship with your daughter will also be better for it.

I do understand how you feel, ds18 is heading maybe to new zealand in September. Do I want him to go, yes. Will I miss him and worry, yes. Do I dread the thought of him not coming back, absolutely. However he is excited, i have bought him up to have the confidence to go and I am proud of that. It will be a huge change but you have to step back and let them go. You need the fill your time with great things, things to tell her when you speak to her. Be excited for her. You can always go and visit.

Unless she has Aus citizenship/PR it's not easy to move here permanently.

If she finds a way to stay, then it's something she really wants and you need to be happy for her.

I left Aus for 10+ years and I'm sure my parents thought I wouldn't return, but I'm home now with my own family.

Fwiw I do understand. My dc have dual citizenship and it was the reason I took it myself also so if they go back, I will likely follow even though I'd prefer to spend my retirement here and not in Europe

Sounds like you have swapped one addiction for another. Did you ever get support for your alcohol addiction?

Thank you for your advice I hve reached out for support today as it’s almost a week since they told me, thank you for your advice

my daughter was young when I suffered, I have been sober for 16 years and yes I got support to do that, when the tough times hit it’s scary and obviously I don’t want to go back - thank you for your concern

Thank you for this - can I just ask what is PR

PR = Permanent Residency

Thank you

I really appreciate this - thank you

You need to get some help for your anxiety. This is a wonderful opportunity for her. She will have a fabulous time. You are correct she may wish to remain there and If she does be happy for her.