Job recommendations for someone who can't cope with life!

[Idontfitin9729]

I have posted on the work thread aswell but really need advice as cant speak to people in real life about it
I cant seem to find the right job & cant last when I'm there.
I believe i am nurodivergent but not diagnosed, my dad and son are. (Adhd & possible asd)
I feel like I'm on the outside of everyone and don't handle stress well. I am also rejection sensitive and don't take criticism (even constructive) well. If someone says something to me I over react (inwardly), catastrosize and immediately start looking for another job.
Even writing this down makes me cringe. I sound like a nightmare employee! I always get good feedback and my employers aren't aware of my struggles, I'm very good at masking and just leave when things start to slip.
I need a job that is easy and stressed free. I need something where there are no demands on me and its just pleasant. But it also needs to fit around my children so
I can't do evenings or weekends. I feel very trapped and needing to stay in a 9-5.i also have mobility problems and I am very overweight so nothing physical.
My ideal would be to work in a small quiet shop, or a library or something similar but rarely see these jobs or get an interview. Feeling very stressed as just handed my notice in with no job to move on to

I don't think a job like that exists and your better bet is to work on the other issues to make yourself more employable/able to tolerate or even enjoy a normal work experience.

You sound very much like me. I work in medical management (bit niche so I can’t be more specific but it’s comparable to NHS outpatient clinic management) and I mostly like it but largely because I’m left alone to get on with my work most of the time.

its not completely stress free tbh but I do have space and plenty of time alone to be able to calm myself down.

I’m sure you’ve tried already but maybe self referring for some CBT or similar will help a bit with the rejection sensitivity and allow you to try and stay longer in a job - everyone gets more feedback in the early stages of a job

You need a job where you have your own set of responsibilities and can just get on with it. I’d say somewhere quite quiet with few interruptions. I’m saying this because you sound like me and that’s my perfect environment.

I know it’s an odd suggestion but what about a funeral director? It’s quite a quiet environment and you can’t rush people. I could be wrong but it always feels sedate and a bit old fashioned which isn’t a bad thing.

What skills do you have? I agree with pp that it would be good to work on your resilience and dealing with stress and negative feedback.

I am exactly like you! I do think it's to do with being neurodivergent (I am getting assessed soon, for ADHD and autism).

I have been in my job for 10 years but still feel I can be sacked from one day to the next, simply if someone is a bit cold with me that day. On my very bad days I am paranoid about colleagues and can respond sharply to emails that I feel are questioning my ability to do my job. There are two people I am close to at work and I think they are on the spectrum too as they are eccentric.

I would say not to worry about getting sacked. It's amazing how well masking works. Often, I have approached my boss about a supposed problem (I had been rude the week before so was very worried) and he hadn't noticed anything. And no one notices that I'm too depressed to do anything for days and only do the work at the last minute. I've been doing this for years but have never been found out.

Have you tried admin in a charity, gallery or museum, or in design? I found that places where other people feel very important are best, as they don't bother with me because they are too busy showing off to each other. They literally don't see the person doing the admin and assume they've got it all under control.

There’s a few different requirements in your post and I’m wondering if (alongside finding a suitable job) there might be a way of finding help with any of the other things holding you back?
for example, do you have a partner or family help, or do the dc have contact with their dad? If so don’t necessarily rule out shifts - it can be worrying thinking outside the 9-5 box but for some families it works really really well. A couple of evenings or nights whilst the children are being cared for could work?
as a pp had suggested, maybe some CBT to see if it helps with your anxiety?
Is your mobility related to your weight or do you have other physical health issues? (no need to answer that I’m just thinking perhaps adding some gentle walks into your day might be an option but not if you have a disability that prevents this) - I find exercise (in my case swimming or walking) is a massive help for stress after work or on days off it clears my mind and refocuses me.

Maybe records management. You can spend the entire day between a filing room and a computer. It’s boring but low impact

Sorry - just noticed nothing physical! What I just recommended is semi physical. Please ignore me

Would volunteering be a starting point? It sounds as if you lack confidence and need some transferrable skills. Often libraries have volunteer roles, replacing returned books, answering queries, supporting activities such as Rhymetime or IT sessions.

Please don't think working in a library is an easy quiet job. It just shows you don't know much about it. Dealing with "the public" in any role is stressful, public libraries are woefully understaffed, they're also permanently under threat from cuts and redundancies and closure, and lower level (lower paid) staff are expected to do work that would be graded 'professional' in the past. It's demandingYou don't sit around reading to yourself. You need a lot of skills, qualities and emotional and physical energy to work in a library.

You sound similar to me; I have ASC and ADHD. I'm not going to recommend my job specifically as it's either something you'd love or hate depending upon your personality (SEND school TA). For me, I knew that in order to cope, I needed a job that had set start and finish times, no work to take home on the evenings/weekends, a structured day but interesting enough to maintain my focus and regular time off. My job provides all of the above. The only thing I struggle with in the job is when the class I'm working in is suddenly changed due to staffing issues as it changes my routine but it doesn't happen too often.

However, the first few weeks of the job were very hard as I didn't know the staff/pupils/routine and I did have quite a few moments when I wanted to quit because I got something wrong or what not. But as I got used to the routine my confidence and competence in the role increased and it's fine now. I'm technically underemployed given my formal qualifications but I'm much happier than I was in prior jobs.

What I am saying is you need to think about what you need in order to be able to cope with work. Which is hard, I know. I spent years trying to do jobs that were totally unsuitable for me. I don't think any job is stress free though to be honest!

OP you are not alone. I have felt like this most of my career. I would suggest finding some sort of knowledge work (such as IT) where you drill down into something in your own time