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Lonely yet I have a husband

4 replies

OmoLafe · 30/04/2025 09:35

Good morning All,
I am a mother of 2 children ( one PreSchooler and one primary school aged) and have been married for 11 years.
The sad reality is that for many years, I have been battling loneliness; within my own marriage and home. I feel sooooo embarrassed for confessing this publicly for the first time. I have been battling depression for 29 years so at first, I thought my loneliness was due to this & was 'normal'. This is because my personality at work and out & about is so different to the harsh reality I have been facing these last few years. It is getting worse.
My husband and I come were raised in 2 different continents; I was born here in the UK, yet our parents are from the same country! However since he joined me here in the UK 9 years ago, I noticed his increasing reluctance or dislike to adopt some ( at least) British culture and traditions. So why he bothered coming here is beyond me!!! When in Rome..... His level of English is average at best and he refuses ( never) to read a book or watch English programmes. His accademic level is well below mine. He refuses to have a heart to heart like normal couples do. Instead, he always avoid eye contact and is glued to his 2 mobile phones!! That really hurts!!! I am the one who manages all my children's educational and extra curricular activities. I am the only parent who drives.
I have no friends outside work and home. But I would be most grateful for some advice on what to do. I want to join a church so I can make friends.
Every night when I cry myself to sleep, I think of how to escape this prison called loneliness. Abandoning my children is out of the question. But I now realise that I married the wrong person; now he is totally different in character to when we were courting. Once my children are both in secondary school, I will then be able to seperate from him. He will not change but I will not continue to be lonely in my marriage. I want happiness.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 30/04/2025 09:53

Why do you have to wait until your children are in secondary school? Arguably it will harder then whereas younger children will a/ adapt faster and b/ not spend years aware of a miserable home environment.

Nothing to be embarrassed about to admit that you and your husband are not suited and that you will both be happier in single households. You will feel a lot better once you've ripped the plaster off.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 30/04/2025 09:54

You deserve happiness. There is only one shot at this life, and waiting 8-9 years to try and find it is far too long.
Grab life by the horns and live.

MyLegoHair · 30/04/2025 09:58

How did you two meet and why did you get married? I'm just thinking that it can't have always been like this, something has changed and it's not your fault.

Two phones? 🤔
However the relationship started, this is where you are now and you deserve better. You absolutely don't have to wait until the children are older. Set them a good example, live your life like it's your only one...

Good luck op.

Eenameenadeeka · 30/04/2025 10:11

If you manage everything for the children on your own now anyway, do you need to wait to leave? You suggested joining a church to make some friends and I think it's a great idea to try and find some support and friendship.

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