Finding a therapist. Any tips?

[Sata]

Having come from a difficult and sometimes traumatic childhood, I am now in my 60s. I would like to find a psychologist or therapist to help me work through and overcome some of my behavioural patterns and anxiety. However, searching online feels like a bit of a lucky dip. I know how to look for someone with the necessary qualifications, but I wonder if there are additional ways to filter my search so that I don’t waste time or money on someone I may not connect with. This isn’t a topic I feel comfortable discussing with friends.

Also in my 60’s and also had a difficult, though not traumatic, childhood. I did an AMA which has lots of info on why and how the first 10 years of life has such a huge impact on the rest of our lives.

Most therapists offer a free 10/15 min telephone consultation. This gives you a chance to chat to them and see how you get on with them.
I would suggest writing a few questions down and speak to a few and make your choice based on these.
The counselling directory now has a function where you can book these free call online with a therapist.
I did this with a hypnotherapist recently, and it was more than enough time for me to figure out we were really not suited to each other.

Someone accredited and not just registered with BACP (counselling/psychotherapy) will generally have been practicing longer. Other professional bodies are UKCP (psychotherapy) and HCPC (psychology).

I would look on the above registers for someone close by if you want to see them face to face, you can search by postcode.

Don’t worry about trying a few out and just having the one session and moving on if it’s not right. However there is more than one way to work effectively with someone and you don’t have to obsess over finding the perfect fit, it likely doesn’t exist.

research shows most people choose a therapist from their photograph and this seems to work fine mostly!

Look for a proper qualified counselling or clinical psychologist. They will likely have a doctorate (DClinPsych. or DCounsPsych.) be registered with the BPS and the HCPC. Anyone can all themselves a counsellor or psychologist as they’re not protected terms. There are people who will do this because they’ve done a 6 weeks counselling course at their local college.

Registered clinical and counselling psychologists have good degrees in psychology from recognised universities, and then done a further three years training to gain their doctorate. Look for one who specialises in childhood trauma - not one who has it listed amongst 100 other ‘specialisms’ and be specific about what you actually want the outcome to be.

I'd look on UKCP as I think their registration is a bit more rigorous than BACP.

Then is look at practicalities (how far away are they, can you afford what they charge, do you want face to face or online therapy etc).
It is hard to know what type of therapy will suit you before you have tried it but you could have a think about what you might relate better to. Do you want someone who is neutral towards you or someone who shares a bit more of themselves as a person. I would suggest CBT might not be the best fit for you as imo it deals more with the symptoms of trauma ( how to manage anxiety etc) rather than root causes ( eg traumatic relationships in childhood). I didn't find it helpful as I needed to address root causes.

Look for people who may have experience/specialisations in childhood trauma/relational trauma.

Then make a shortlist of 3-5 therapists based on your investigations above and contact them. It may be that they don't all have space at the moment.

Of those that do, arrange an initial meeting/phone conversation or whatever they offer. Some offer a free 30 minutes or a reduced price first session. Some charge full price for an introduction session but don't be put off by that.

In the session, explain a little about how your childhood has impacted you and ask them how they would approach this with a client.

Then go by feel/ gut reaction. Is there a therapist you felt you clicked with better? Arrange to start with that one. After about 4 -6 sessions evaluate what you think. It usually takes at least that long to get a real sense of how things might work with a therapist. If you aren't certain that things are going well, discuss openly with the therapist and explain how you are feeling. If you still don't feel it it is a good fit stop therapy and try one of the others you identified - maybe one that has a different modality than the first one you tried.

It may well be that the first therapist you start with is a good fit but don't be afraid to try someone different if need be

#beenthereandgotthetshirt

They say the most important thing is the relationship between you and the therapist rather than their modality, but there are some bits I’d look for…

Look for someone you describes themselves as trauma-informed or trauma qualified (there are diplomas). The therapist will be more aware of when you shut down, dissociate, freeze etc and what to do to help bring you back to a sense of safety. The work only really progresses when you feel safe, but you need to dip into those realms where you feel traumatised (that point where you shut down etc) to unpack them. (This doesn’t mean going back over actual details of past events, but becoming aware of where those past events are still impacting you in the present). It can be slow work but really worthwhile.

Also bonus if you can find someone who talks about somatics or somatic experiencing on their website (basically about feelings in the body - they’ll help you link up how you feel in your body to what you think about in your mind). I think a lot of counsellors will do this intuitively, so don’t rule them out if they haven’t listed this, but see how you feel when you’re with them too - do you feel acknowledged, seen, understood? In their language do they help you notice where you’re feeling something in your body.

Also although the relationship is the most important thing, psychotherapy or psychodynamic therapy can be good for traumatic childhoods as it helps you get to the real root of things. So I’d definitely look for that approach and a ‘psychotherapist’ or rather than CBT or a ‘counsellor’ (although just to confuse things, I don’t think those job titles are really well defined).

I don’t think paying £150 odd for a psychologist is necessary for most presentations. Maybe for complexity like personality disorder but bog standard my childhood was tough and affects me as an adult not necessarily.

Good experienced psychotherapists are more than capable and usually half that price.

Clinical psychologists training is arguably less thorough than a UKCP psychotherapist, they just have placements in different settings CAMHS, older adults etc

in fact they don’t even have any personal therapy as part of their course

Lots of good advice above. I would like to suggest an alternative option of working on resolving your current behavioural patterns and anxiety as a first priority. It's probable that they are based in your childhood but you need to consider if there's a tangible value in sifting through memories and events from decades ago.

Why? Because you will never find a satisfactory answer as to why specific things were said and done as you only have your child's eye viewpoint and memories - neither of which you can absolutely rely on as they can shift over time.

It's more useful (IMHO) to look back with your adult experience and bring your understanding to the overall picture. (What I mean by this is if a parent was cruel or unloving think about why they were that way - was it learned behaviour from previous generations or was it, as you might have imagined at the time, that you deserved that cruelty or absence of love?).

Also please don't automatically assume this process has to be painful and slow. Neither are necessarily true.