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Mental health

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Feel stuck and unhappy

11 replies

missA27 · 25/04/2025 00:23

Thankyou to who ever takes the time to read my post I'm not sure what I'm expecting to get out of this but I feel so low ATM and don't have anyone to offload to.
First of all I'm 31 mum of 3 DC ages 14,12 10
My main issue is I work as a carer for my brother who is 27 with severe disabilities I work 3 sometimes 4 nights a week from 7pm-7am but I hate it I have no social life due to my working hours and I work on my own then during the day my kids are at school and partner at work from 7am-5pm. I'm so lonely and fed up but I feel trapped due to financial difficulties we need me to be working full time but it's difficult to do that when having the children. My relationship isn't great and I think alot of that is due to my mental health and I have become resentful as I feel I'm the primary care giver and provider for the children he gives me £1000 a month and I'm paying my full months wage on bills food and kids and I'm just ment to be OK with him paying not even half of the bills I'm so fed up of struggling every month with nothing to show and feel so alone in it all I try to communicate how I feel with my partner but it's like hitting my head of a brick wall :( thanks again for reading it feels a little better just writing this all down but honestly some times I wish I could just close My eyes and not wake up xxx

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/04/2025 06:20

Is your partner the kids dad?
Why is he giving you £1000? If he’s living with you it should be 50:50.

missA27 · 25/04/2025 06:43

Yes he is, I know but that is all he is willing to give me as he thinks that's enough 😒 xx

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/04/2025 06:46

It’s not about what’s enough, do you not have a joint account that all bills/food etc comes out of?

missA27 · 25/04/2025 07:39

Yes I totally agree we have been together since I was 13 with 3 kids together we have a mortgage together do you would think that would be enough for him to see it the same as me and you xx

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MadeThisOneUp · 25/04/2025 07:51

It's not just that it's not enough, it's financial control/abuse. That's why its messing up your mental health. People can cope with things better if they think they are fair and will improve in time I.e. have hope. Long term what are your prospects of increasing your incomes? I think maybe that would be a good starting point for a conversation about finances. Then what kind of things are important to you each I.e. what you value and want to spend money on and what you want to save for.

missA27 · 25/04/2025 08:03

Thankyou for replying, we are living beyond our means we'll and truly I'm working 36-48 hours a week in a job I hate because the money is good and I don't have any one yo help with the kids mainly my youngest wr have 2 financed cars as he refuses to car share but I need a vehicle to get my child to school and appointments as she has a medical condition that requires regular appointments anything the kids need ie clothes or for example my eldest needs a new bed that's my problem as he gives me all he can afford witch is fair enough but you would think he sees me struggling and would want to help more to improve our situation I try to talk about this but he then turns it around as though I'm a looney 😵‍💫 I feel like I'm going insane lol x

OP posts:
MadeThisOneUp · 25/04/2025 10:01

Completely understand. Money is stressful. Plus everything else. I'm wondering if maybe speaking to a financial support org or charity would help you. Are you receiving all the benefits you are entitled to. Can you get some respite help. Is there any support from charities that support carers etc. Seeing as your partner is not getting his arse in gear. Get the support that is out there and don't depend on him for the penny to drop (metaphorically and literally lol).

missA27 · 25/04/2025 10:22

Were not entitled to any benefits other than child benefit as we earn to much as a house hold ive looked in to what I would be entitled to as a single parent and I would be financially better off tbh lol x

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missA27 · 25/04/2025 18:05

Honestly don't know what to do anymore just tried to discuss how I'm feeling and got totally shot down xx

OP posts:
DancefloorAcrobatics · 25/04/2025 18:18

Can you sit him down with a bank statement and show him all the monthly outgoings including mortgage.
Then add things like clothes for the kids (take an estimated average) and divide by 2.
Write down your earnings and his minus each car loan.

Use colours if you have to and make it as visual as possible...
Hopefully this will get his head out of the sand!

missA27 · 25/04/2025 18:30

Yes done this with a spread sheet 🤣🤣🤣

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