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Mental health

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What helps low self worth?

3 replies

OctoblocksAssemble · 23/04/2025 16:34

Pretty much my whole adult life I've had the feeling that people will only care about me for as long as I am useful. The one real exception to this is my parents, but everyone else I feel will ditch me if my usefulness runs out. I managed it quite well when I was single and childfree. I worked in underpaid roles where I felt secure (ie, easily worth more than I was paid), and I had enough time to help out friends who needed it. It was give and take there, my friends helped me out too. It was balanced and also felt secure. Then as one does I moved into the next stage of life, found a husband and had a couple of kids. Here's where the trouble really started. The amount needed from me to now keep my internal books balanced vastly exceeds my capacity, and it's destroying me. It isn't their fault, other people should not have to prop up my self esteem, but I am literally ruining my life right now because I feel so paralysed by failure and the desire to just run away from everything.
I'm already having medical investigations for a physical issue, so seeing the gp about mental health too just feels like too much. Would pills even help with this? I've had limited success with cbt in the past. Thinking that I am worthless unless I have a ready stock of compelling evidence to the contrary is just so internalised I can't imagine being any different.
Any advice appreciated, but I will say that I am extremely time poor, so self care like long walks etc are lost to me for a while at least.

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 23/04/2025 16:40

The amount needed from me to now keep my internal books balanced vastly exceeds my capacity, and it's destroying me.

What are you talking about? Do you mean from being a mother or do you mean catering to other people?

stopdrinkingwriter · 23/04/2025 16:40

Try finding your lane for a while, and learn that no is also a valid answer. Find something you enjoy doing by yourself, as crazy as it sounds, "speed" helps a lot, but let me try and explain what I mean by that. If you are moving fast, such as doing work you love doing, fill up your days with just you; there isn't much room for all the things you have mentioned.

Kinda like a path of self-love, make a list of new things you haven't done before and just plan them even if you don't find them that interesting now, and these little small things will slowly and hopefully get you on your own path again.

Instead of being "useful" to people who don't seem to appreciate it, find something you can do that is actually useful for people who need it, like a good cause.

Eyesopenwideawake · 23/04/2025 16:40

You say your whole adult life - can you remember when you started to feel this way? Was there a particular incident or a slow realisation? If it wasn't your parents, your friends or (I hope) your husband, who was it who you felt would ditch you when you were no longer useful?

(Sorry for all the questions, there is a point to them!).

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