Coping with a break in therapy

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I've been seeing my therapist for just over a year for a number of things including attachment issues, anxiety, low self esteem, body image etc. It's taken a while to feel able to open up about things as I feel so much shame but I'm making good progress. I go weekly and the longest break I've ever had before was 2 weeks due to one of us being on holiday. Those were hard as I feel really attached to him but I've coped.
We've got a 3 week break coming up for various reasons which I've been slightly dreading but felt like I could get through it easier than say a year ago. However, this week I had to cancel our usual session at fairly short notice due to being really unwell which now means a month between sessions. I've never cancelled before but he was really understanding and I felt so rough. I've been surprised at how much it upset me though. I cried so much that evening as I missed the contact as I'd been looking forward to the session and also felt guilty about cancelling. I now miss him so much and don't know how I'll manage another 3 weeks as it seems like such a long time. I feel like I need to just block it all out and forget about therapy until it's back on again to manage. I wondered if anyone else had ever felt like this. I think the unexpected cancel as made me worse. I feel really ashamed about feeling like this.

I've found it hard to have big gaps. Something that might help might be writing a diary/journal with your thoughts and feelings during the break to share with him when you next meet.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is a really normal way to feel and lots of people feel like this. Therapy breaks are hard.

I asked my therapist to record me a voice message to play during sessions. It was really hard to ask for (because of me not him), but I’m glad I did as it’s helped.

Also, some things I’ve found helpful for distraction during therapy breaks.

See what words you can make from the letters in CONSTANTINOPLE

Play online scattergories: https://swellgarfo.com/scattergories/

Do online jigsaws (do existing ones or upload your own pictures) - search for ‘Jigsaw Planet’

I find big breaks in therapy really hard too. Especially if you’re working through attachment issues I think it can be really confusing. On one hand you might be understanding more how you find attaching to people difficult and opening up more to feeling, and on the other hand you find yourself reverting to maybe an old coping mechanism - blocking things out until your therapist is back.

Everything you feel is okay, and it’s okay if it’s confusing and hurts (shit, but it will be okay!). Use it all as fodder when you meet again. And in the meantime go easy on yourself about coping by blocking it out, and see what else you could do to help yourself cope in a softer way - like journalling as a pp said, or whether there’s any places/people you can talk about it (like here or elsewhere). Or little things you can plan to look forward to and keep yourself buoyant.

Keep coming back here if you feel like it - if it helps?

Thank you both, your lovely comments made me cry! I always pretend that I can manage fine as I feel so ashamed to need him and the support. I did think that journaling during the break would be useful. I'm just not sure if I'm brave enough to share with him how I truly felt about the break next time I see him. I just feel so much shame and embarrassment and feel like a needy t@t. It makes me wonder how I'll cope when it finishes completely !

Thank you so much, this really helps! I may well come back here to update. Just hope he doesn't read here 🤣. These comments are all really reassuring.

Good 😊So what if he does read here?! 😊You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and feel attached to him, and upset that he’s away. It’s all okay. Be kind to yourself!

Weirdly I'm kind of ok today (despite still being unwell!). Its like I have quite an intense initial reaction which I had the other night and the emotions have all calmed down now and I'm feeling fairly 'normal' again. I'm sure it won't be plain sailing though and I think there'll definitely be an element of trying to block and forget I even have therapy to cope with the break.