Is this depression or just me?

[Nowheretogo1985]

I just do not want to talk. I find it an absolute effort sometimes and I just want to be alone and silent. When I do speak I have to concentrate alot on what I'm saying...it doesn't just come out naturally, even with my own family I feel like I have to think through what I'm about to say or it won't make sense. I just feel like I don't have the energy to talk some days and I just want to be alone and sleep. I find having conversations sometimes so painful as i dont know what to say and feel uncomfortable and just crave to be away from speaking to people.
I am mid 40's...I thought life was meant to get easier now, I thought I would've figured out who I was and be OK with that. But I feel more self conscious and awkward than I did when I was 18. I see women around me chatting away all the time and I just think, what the heck are they finding to talk about?!
I think id be happy to just stay at home by myself all the time but i also don't want that for myself if that makes sense? I have always been introverted but this is another level and it's confusing me. I am on sertraline for depression and hsve been for a number of years. Any advice welcomed xx

Is it possible that Sertraline is no longer working for you, OP? Have you spoken to your GP, it's possible you might need a higher dose or change of meds.
I also enjoy time away from people. I enjoy their company but find it can be quite draining in large doses. And some conversations aren't very interesting any way, particularly if it's gossipy nonsense. Every day I come home, see to my dog and enjoy the peace and quiet though my colleagues would probably describe me as outgoing and chatty! Do you work, OP?
I think when you get into your forties, you do look back and re-evaluate your life and sometimes deeply buried angst (like childhood trauma) can re-emerge and needs to be processed. I don't know if this applies to you, ofcourse.
Is it possible you're peri-menopausal? Mine started in my early 40s and it does have a bearing on mood.

Good suggestion about the sertraline not working anymore, I'd never really thought of that. Increasing is not really an option as I already hate the idea of being on them in the first place. I will speak to gp and see about other alternatives. I also agree that it could be peri menopause but when I asked the gp about this, she didn't want to entertain it and said it was more to do with depression. I'm already planning what time to get into work which will involve minimising the amount of interaction I have with work colleagues which just does not seem normal 😫
I am on waiting list for counselling so hopefully that will help although generally my childhood was fine which makes all of this the more difficult to understand as i want a reason to explain the way I'm feeling...maybe I'm just destined to be a recluse but deep down I don't want that for myself! Thanks for your response, you have given me some really helpful advice 💗