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Mental health

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Original poster

Obsessing about the loss of their babyhood!

15 replies

SlowDown · 16/05/2008 21:36

Wondering if anyone else has the same obsessive sadness as me. Mainly I am a happy person but I have this background sadness about me getting older and about the children getting older and the loss of their babyhood. They are 18 mo and nearly 4 now. I spend a lot of time (esp at night) thinking about the passing of time and trying to visualise and re-experience how I felt when they were born. Weird I suppose when it might be better to be appreciating what I've got now, esp as we had fertility issues in the 1st place. Anyone?

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 16/05/2008 21:39

I get nostalgic about their time as newborns, yes

notnowbernard · 16/05/2008 21:40

Don't feel sad though

chankins · 16/05/2008 21:44

I know what you mean, and I try to stop myself doing this all the time. I have a 5 yo, 4yo and 1 yo, and cna't believe how fast they have grown. I guess I feel sad that their babyhood is over so quick, with each one it goes faster, blink and you miss it kind of thing, but I also get all excited thinking about their futures. What kind of people they will be, what they will do ect. And that there are many more 'firsts', ie first date, first kiss, first car, first job. Guess you have to enjoy it while you can, whilst also remembering its really all about slowly letting them go. And looking forward to grandchildren of course !

Beauregard · 16/05/2008 21:45

I can relate to what you are saying ,infact today has been particulary sad for me.dd2(2) is so tall that she is wearing dd1's hand me downs aged 3-4 .I feel robbed of my babies tbh.

notnowbernard · 16/05/2008 21:48

Chankins talks a lot of sense

After the day I've had I'm looking forward to helping out with them out with their mortgage

indiemummy · 16/05/2008 21:49

Hi, yes sometimes i feel like this... most often though i am keen for them both to grow up and get to the conversational stage which i find easier and more rewarding... don't worry about it, just take loads of photographs while they're still cute, and look forward to them becoming not just totally dependent on you, but also lovely independent people. try not to obsess. can you talk to anyone in real life about it? might help to put it into perspective. x

moondog · 16/05/2008 21:50

Write a diary.
It helps to capture it all.

cadelaide · 16/05/2008 22:01

I get like this sometimes, the whole "passiing of time/mortality" thing.

When I get like that I've taught myself to stay in the moment and just be glad they're here safe, well and happy. I remind myself of others' misfortune and relief/gratitude overrides the sadness.

Reading that back i sound smug and sanctimonious, but it's a trick that works for me.

chankins · 16/05/2008 22:05

I get what you mean though cadelaide - I think part of the reason I get emotional about the passing time in regards to my kids, is really also about my own time passing by ! You know when you realise another ten years has passed ? You feel kind of shocked, scared, cheated. I have moments when I just have to grab one of the dc and hold them as close as they'll let me and enjoy that moment. And remember what a bloody lucky sod I largely am !

Original poster

SlowDown · 16/05/2008 22:07

Thanks for your helpful suggestions! Think perhaps I do need to keep some kind of diary, then at least I'm not worrying that I'm forgetting stuff. They change so quick! It's so busy and intense during the day with them (that's if I'm not at work) and then when they are asleep there's this space just to think and get overly nostalgic! Need to get a life other than parenting I think but that's another story.

OP posts:

moondog · 16/05/2008 22:12

Slow, i know exactly what you mean!
It's so poignaNT ISN'T IT?

cadelaide · 16/05/2008 22:21

I keep a diary. Don't write in it every day, so i don't put pressure on myself. Lovely to read back.

cadelaide · 16/05/2008 22:22

chankins, yes - time just speeds up.

Phew....getting panicky....time for a glass i think!

Original poster

SlowDown · 17/05/2008 14:01

Somone said that time seems to speed up because as a proportion of your increasing total no. of years on the planet 1 year = not very much. Makes logical sense I guess. Gin is the answer...

OP posts:

Meandmyjoe · 17/05/2008 16:33

I keep a diary to remind myself of how horrendous my ds' babyhood is! Maybe isn't appropriate for this thread but I really don't think I will miss it. Of course I can't say for sure as he is only 9 months but is a particularly awkward little devil!

I mainly keep the diary so I can look back when he is older and breathe a sigh of relief that it has got so much better.

I really think you all have so much to look forward to with your children. Doing things with them and taking them places that I can only dream and look forward to doing with my baby. Please don't dwell on the passing of babyhood or else before you know it you will be mourning the loss of their childhood and have wasted it by missing them as babies!

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