The horrors of health anxiety

[ssd]

I'm actually terrified of doing a breast check incase i feel a lump. I worry so much about this and i know the panic i would be in if i felt one. Im not trying to be antagonistic, i know there are plenty women here who have felt a lump and had a cancer diagnosis. Im honestly not wanting to offend anyone.

I just wish i could lose this terror and panic i feel.

I am exactly the same but the truth is no matter how scared we get if anything’s wrong we just have to deal with it , terrified or calm no matter what , I am exactly the same every day I have a new problem it’s horrible I’ve even had counselling which did help so maybe contact talking therapy’s you can self refer they were very good

@ssd you're not alone. My health anxiety can be almost disabling at times. Not going to chip in with any words of wisdom but just want you to know you’re not fighting this fight alone.
x

Thank you. I hate to think of others suffering this too. But also its almost a relief to know im not totally alone in this. I dont know anyone in rl who feels this way.

Ive tried talking therapy, cbt, almost anything i can think of. Its not changed things.

I am the same, terrible health anxiety it’s getting worse the older I get as the more I think of what can go wrong. I wish I could just think well just live life, count everyday as a blessing but something in me just can’t.

How old are you? I haven't done breastfeeding exams but I've had mammograms.

Nearly 60. Always attend screenings.

But anxiety getting worse.

I had a lot of CBT for OCD which I kept thinking didn't work... It wasn't until I reframed how I thought about it that I found I benefitted. I was seeing someone that cost an obscene amount of money per session which seemed to give me the added motivation to "do the work". With the NHS ones I'd had I sort of sat back and thought "fix me" whereas with my private therapist I made it clear I wanted to go for it, do "homework" every week, for him and me to work out what needed working on together and then I go away and practice it. Basically I thought of it less that the sessions themselves would change anything, and more like the sessions were a language lesson or physiotherapy or musical instrument lessons... They give you the framework and you go away and practice practice practice. It's really hard and distressing and exhausting but the benefits are huge.

Sertraline changed my life.

This depresses me. I tried setraline, it gave me a serious side effect and i had to stop it immediately. It seems to be the only thing that helps and i cant take it.

I’d consider seeing a proper psychologist who specialises in this. CBT isn’t great imho. Neither is plain talking

You need to get to the bottom of why you are so anxious.

all the best

Have you tried the book DARE or the free app? They're good. Sympathy though as I've spent all day convinced I'm seriously ill. It is truly awful.

If it helps I've found breast lumps twice and both were benign

I'm the same. I wasn't like that, but then I had 3 cancer scares (a breast lump and 2 ovarian cysts) and now the thought of getting a check/scan makes me nervous that my luck could run out. We just have to remember that a breast check doesn't actually change anything or give you cancer. It just tells you more about what's already going on, like looking at our skin for spots etc. and nothing has to happen in response to the check unless you permit it

I have terrible health anxiety and had just gotten over a dreadful episode involving a mole (2ww referall… then turned out to be fine) when I discovered a lump on t he roof of my mouth. It has dogged me for the past two weeks and sucked the joy out of life. I have OCD and the two are closely linked.

I’ve been to the dentist about my mouth lump and been told it’s a blocked salivary gland, but I still can’t shake the feeling it’s cancer and they’ve missed something.

it’s a horrible lonely way to live, and I really go offer you solidarity.

i would urge you to push on and face you fear, and do your breast check. You almost definitely won’t find a lump!

I’m the same OP, a lot of people with HA are constantly checking themselves or running to the doctor all the time, I’m the opposite, will avoid the doctors for as long as I possibly can, it’s horrible and the older I get I know the more likely to be diagnosed with an awful illness so it just gets more frightening.

I agree with you all, even to the point i had a lump on the roof of my mouth too and was told the same thing. I go to the Dr's with everything, so far they have been so nice and not chased me. I have a prescription for citalopram which I'm scared to try incase it causes the same side effect as setraline.

I sort of know why I'm so scared. I try to turn it around, like i was taughf in therapy, but i haven’t found an answer. Maybe a psychologist would help but how on earth do you find one who specialises in health anxiety? Its hard enough getting a GP appointment here. Which is another worry...

I try to be more like my dh, he never worries about health. When i have something im worried about, like the lump on the roof of my mouth, i think would dh go to the doctor or dentist about this? The answer is usually no, but i really can't understand how he can live with something and not worry himself sick and need a professional to assess it. And i know someone at work who is on the 2 week pathway with regards a cancer symptom and she told me she won't worry until she has been told she has something to worry about. If i was her I'd be signed off work with stress and terrified. But to look at us both you'd think why does ssd worry so much and X doesn't, when their lives are very similar? There's just no sense in it at all.

I really hate it.

Solidarity! I'm also pushing 60 and I've definitely got worse with age. As another poster said, you become more aware with what can go wrong as you get older, highlighted by all the extra screenings you get offered as you age (a good thing but anxiety provoking). I've also had several 2ww, as have many of my peers and DH just recently (all fine). One of mine was for a lump in my mouth. My dentist is a panicker and the hospital said straightaway it was nothing! Doctors seem quicker to refer when you are older, again a good thing but scary. The well meaning cancer awareness campaigns in the media also don't help those of us with HA.

I used to go to the doctor frequently but am now the opposite as being sent for tests and waiting for results causes so much anxiety. I too get scared to check my breasts, they're naturally lumpy which makes it more scary and have had 2 visits to breast clinic (the GP only sent me as I'm anxious). I now do so sporadically and attend my screenings.

I've done CBT with limited success and also can't take sertraline due to a scary side effect that landed me in a&e. I did take citalopram years ago with no problem but am scared to try again. I've been doing some self help stuff myself which I think helps a bit but I keep falling off the wagon and need to refocus. I'm thinking of trying HRT as I suspect some of this is due to menopause and hormones, but it means going near the dreaded GP 😔

I keep telling myself I'm no more likely to get something nasty than my peers and they are not in this state (AFAIK!) and are getting on with their lives (I think they'd be shocked if they knew about me as I appear fine to the outside world). In fact, I'm probably LESS likely than many of them as I'm fit, healthy, exercise regularly, not overweight, never smoked etc etc but still....

Sorry, my post has probably not helped but hopefully it helps to know it's not just you.

Hi OP. What did you learn in therapy?

I worry about a very specific thing, which I've had several unsuccessful surgeries for, so pretty valid worrying.

In counselling I have learnt that I feel guilty about everything because I felt that everything was my fault as a child. Therefore I've caused the issues in my health and if I've caused those things, I should have the intelligence to fix them. And if I can't, I must be lacking in some way.

This has really helped. After a lot of talking I realise I can't impact these things myself. That sometimes it is just bad luck. And I can't control everything by being intelligent and articulate.

The thing I worry about most now is not the issue, but the hospital visits which I keep having flashbacks to. And this will fade with time.

So maybe think about whether you can pinpoint exactly why you are worried. Is it lack of control? Something else?

I worry about living in fear. I seen too much with my elderly parents. I looked after them.

@Worridoncemore , i am the exact same as you.

I learned in therapy to look for evidence of my worries

What?? I guess you mean try to figure out what's causing the anxiety? I hope so, anyway.

As a fellow 60 yr old I can sympathise with the twinges, lumps, bumps and aches that seem to spring out of nowhere but you mention elderly parents so I'm guessing they are in their 80's? That means you have good genes at least.

What, specifically, worries you about getting ill?

Yes sorry. I meant i should question it when i think there's something wrong with me, look for evidence of it being true and if there's no evidence then try to stop worrying. In other words. Challenge my negative thoughts.

I worry about so much. Mainly having to wait for tests and results and living in terror. I worry so much about being ill, i feel if i was actually told i have something serious the worry would kill me. I know that sounds ridiculous. There's more to it i cant go into here. But i just worry about my life being consumed by illness and worry.

My parents would both now be over 100 if they were still here. They died years and years ago.