Hi everyone,
I’m not really sure how to start this, but I’m just feeling completely emotionally exhausted and need a safe space to let it out. I have a 4-year-old son and an 18-month-old daughter, and lately it feels like I’m barely keeping it together.
My 4-year-old is constantly testing boundaries. Just when we start to make progress with his behaviour, we hit another wall with a full-blown meltdown. I try to stay consistent – giving him space to let out his feelings, encouraging him to talk about what’s going on, and calmly explaining why his behaviour isn’t okay. We always try to link consequences to the behaviour (e.g. if he makes a mess, he helps clean it up), and I really try to model understanding and empathy – but it’s draining.
Then there’s my daughter, who is 18 months old and has a disability. She can’t crawl, sit, stand, or walk yet. We’re still waiting on more tests to understand the cause, but we know she has low muscle tone and may have long-term challenges. The worry is constant. The appointments are constant. She still wakes up multiple times a night, needs help with everything – and she’s getting heavy. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting.
On top of this, I’ve had to fight to get her the care she needs. I’ve been chasing referrals, chasing reports, pushing for answers, coordinating with specialists, and making sure nothing falls through the cracks. Because I’m a nurse, my husband (understandably) assumes I’ll be better at navigating the medical side of things. He doesn’t do this to be unhelpful – he just thinks I’m the one who understands it all best. But it’s a massive responsibility and it’s wearing me down. I constantly worry that I’m missing something, that I’ll make the wrong decision, or that I’m not advocating hard enough. It’s an enormous amount of pressure to carry, especially when I’m already running on empty.
There’s also this lingering guilt that I just can’t shake. My daughter was born at 32 weeks and spent a month in NICU. I had a complicated pregnancy due to my type 1 diabetes, and ended up in ICU myself after her birth. I can’t help but feel like my body failed her. I know logically that this isn’t my fault, but the guilt is still there every day.
My husband and I are doing our best, but we’re both feeling the strain. He has a high-pressure job, and I’ve been off work since January due to a severe depressive episode. I’m due to return to work full-time next month, which is terrifying in itself – juggling school runs, childcare, therapies, housework, and trying to keep everything afloat.
I feel like I never get a moment to breathe. My days are a blur of getting up, making meals, dressing kids, housework, errands, school runs, therapies, appointments, dinner, bath, bedtime, clean-up… then crash into bed, only to do it all again the next day. There’s no time for me. No quiet. No pause. My entire existence is focused on keeping everyone else’s lives running smoothly – and I just feel so empty inside.
How do you keep going when it feels like the demands never stop?
I’m really just reaching out for support and advice from anyone who’s been in similar shoes. I love my children deeply, but right now I’m struggling to stay afloat. I know I’m not alone, but it feels incredibly lonely sometimes.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.