Spiralling

[Enigma53]

Just need to write this down.
I have soft tissue cancer. My current chemo isn’t working. The cancer is aggressive as fuck and I’m scared shitless! This week I’ve had to start heavy duty pain relief and it’s a stark reminder that this is serious. My kids are young adults How the hell
do I avoid spiralling? It’s like a living hell.

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. My friend who went through chemo was on antidepressants, is medication an option for you?

Macmillan has a free support line should you need to talk

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Maggie’s cancer centres are good for support. In the meantime is there anyone you can talk to today? Maybe arrange counselling as a place to vent and cry and say exactly what you want to. Ask your oncologist department if they have any mental health supports in place too. It’s vital you have a space to talk and breathe and have someone to witness you. Sending my thoughts.

Thanks both.
The terror is real, knowing that this bastard cancer could in fact kill me. We aren’t taking chemo to mop up a few lingering cells, we are talking chemo to try and shrink and stabilise a large tumour.

Trying to live in the moment is very hard. Im loathed to take any meds as my next chemo is going to hammer me. 😳

It’s not the same situation as you and my heart goes out to you. i too have a rare, incurable blood cancer but I can live with it for a long time, however it will kill me in the end (unless I get something else sooner). It’s been so difficult to come to terms with and, like you, the only thing I can do is live for this moment but it’s so difficult. Counselling helped me by providing a space to cry and talk and swear and rant and be afraid. If you can afford it I’d recommend trying. Sometimes your oncology department will be able to put you in touch with a specialist nurse or counsellor. Also, there are usually support groups for particular cancers which can help. Try and search for local cancer support groups where you can meet in person such as Maggie’s. I think it can be so important to share what you are going through with people who understand and who are not so close as family members where you feel the need to “be strong” to protect their feelings. Sending good wishes.