I've come to realise that. I'm the issue and the one who always starts arguments and treats others like shit while expecting them to be nice to me. I'm the one who struggles to apologise after I hurt my husband. I never accept responsibility for my own actions, I always blame someone else. I use anything as an excuse to never have to face any repercussions for what I do.
My husband is at the end of his tether with me and has told me as much. He said he doesn’t want to be around me or talk to me and has mentioned divorce. He just doesn’t seem happy anymore and it breaks my heart. I don’t know how to change. I’ll have a few good days and then regress back again.
Some of the things my husband has pointed out is I’m too serious, angry and unapproachable and I act on my emotions too much verbally. I moan and a miserable or always stressed. I’m 9 months postpartum and my son makes me so happy but nothing else in life does. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m a super horrible person. I’m a SAHM and have no family/friends. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. I love my husband but I’m hurting him.
My dad never wanted me and now my husband doesn’t either. I hate how toxic I am and how I'm unable to control myself when I'm upset and unstable. I feel a lot of suppressed anger and frustration and anxiety.
I feel guilty, but then there's just this weird empty hole in my chest and emotional void? I’m disappointed in myself for being the way I am.
Can someone please offer me some advice? At this point I'm feeling like everyone would genuinely be better off without me. I know that’s selfish and the cowardice thing to say but it’s honestly how I feel at times. I want to do better and be a good person and mother.