Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

I’m the problem

6 replies

ThisRoseFinch · 15/04/2025 10:53

I've come to realise that. I'm the issue and the one who always starts arguments and treats others like shit while expecting them to be nice to me. I'm the one who struggles to apologise after I hurt my husband. I never accept responsibility for my own actions, I always blame someone else. I use anything as an excuse to never have to face any repercussions for what I do.

My husband is at the end of his tether with me and has told me as much. He said he doesn’t want to be around me or talk to me and has mentioned divorce. He just doesn’t seem happy anymore and it breaks my heart. I don’t know how to change. I’ll have a few good days and then regress back again.

Some of the things my husband has pointed out is I’m too serious, angry and unapproachable and I act on my emotions too much verbally. I moan and a miserable or always stressed. I’m 9 months postpartum and my son makes me so happy but nothing else in life does. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m a super horrible person. I’m a SAHM and have no family/friends. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. I love my husband but I’m hurting him.

My dad never wanted me and now my husband doesn’t either. I hate how toxic I am and how I'm unable to control myself when I'm upset and unstable. I feel a lot of suppressed anger and frustration and anxiety.

I feel guilty, but then there's just this weird empty hole in my chest and emotional void? I’m disappointed in myself for being the way I am.

Can someone please offer me some advice? At this point I'm feeling like everyone would genuinely be better off without me. I know that’s selfish and the cowardice thing to say but it’s honestly how I feel at times. I want to do better and be a good person and mother.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/04/2025 12:34

My dad never wanted me

If the most significant man in your early life rejects you (or you believed/were told that that was the case) then it's not surprising you have problems with adult relationships. Have you thought about counselling/therapy?

Dolamroth · 15/04/2025 12:48

It sounds like you have got into patterns of behaviour that are hard to break out of. Have you had any talking therapy? It sounds like maybe it would help you to talk it over but with someone objective.

Also, you have a young child so are probably not at your best because it's so exhausting. Even the most saintly are probably on edge when they are sleep deprived.

You are also very hard on yourself.

Dolamroth · 15/04/2025 12:49

PS your son would not be better off, he needs his mother.

GeorgeTheFirst · 15/04/2025 12:49

Therapy will help you. Please go and have some whatever the cost, it will change your life

Melsy88 · 15/04/2025 12:52

You've done an amazing job with recognising things that need to change and verbalising that.
It's so hard to break patterns that you learn from relationships in childhood, but its possible with the right support and help, and it sounds like you're in a good place mentally to start the change given that you are recognising what needs to change and wanting to change.
New behaviours can be learned and with some repetition they will become second nature.

I think you are awesome for sharing all of this. Be kind to yourself.

Moier · 15/04/2025 12:56

This kind of therapy is for you.
I was angry at people all the time.. because of my past.
I had 20 weeks of this and having had therapy on and off over 30 years.. this is best I've had.

www.acat.me.uk/page/about+cat

About CAT | ACAT

Cognitive Analytic Therapy is a form of time-limited psychotherapy. CAT is about forming a trusting, explorative and collaborative relationship with the therapist.

https://www.acat.me.uk/page/about+cat

New posts on this thread. Refresh page