Has anyone been at absolute rock bottom with their mental health and managed to overcome it?

[Rainbowpeppercorn]

I honestly feel as though I will never, ever be free of poor mental health.

I have struggled since I was a small child and I think some of my issues are down to the fact that my parents didn't seek help for me (which I don't blame them as it was the 70's/80's) but also the fact that they never helped calm my fears and anxieties. My father was a joker and would mock me and make fun of my ocd's. and odd behaviours. I think this planted a seed of constant self doubt and low self-esteem which I have carried into adulthood. I believe that these early experiences didn't prepare me for any kind of resilience to take into adulthood.

I have spent a small fortune seeking out help. Endless CBT sessions over the years, hypnotherapy including regression therapy, EMDR and acceptance therapy. I have seen endless counsellors and psychologists and even a psychiatrist. Under the psychiatrists advise, I am currently on a waiting list for am ADHD assessment.

I have had times of happiness and contentment but they are short lived and the minute any amount of stress enters my life my brain just wants to shut down and I enter back into a world of deep depression, over thinking and excessive anxiety and feeling so low that I just want to avoid people as much as I possibly can, isolate and sleep (I know that is not ideal but it's a self preservation thing I suppose).

Over the last 6 or so years things have been dreadful, I have had a series of life difficulties and an exacerbation of some chronic health issues which are flooring me. My poor long suffering dh says that these things are simple life events and that I need to build some kind of resilience to cope with them but I really do struggle so much. Over the last 6 years these things have hit me hard. I have listed them. As a woman now in her 50's shouldn't I be able to cope well with these events?

2016-2021 - DS (now 19) suffering from school anxiety/refusal - every single morning was hell trying to get him to school (he's 6' 2 and weighs 15 stone!). No help from the school (or dh as he was at work every day). Eventually, I managed to get ds some counselling and he is now doing well but the stress of this every single morning really took it out of me.

2022 - my beloved darling dog had to be pts due to cancer. I know not everyone gets this but I am a big animal lover and I adored him. He was 10 and my shadow. I had got him in 2012 to help me overcome my depression and he really was such a help. He had such a wonderful little personality, everyone loved him and he was even registered as a Pets as Therapy dog. When he died I was so bereft that I went straight out and got a rescue dog (I realise now that was a stupid move). We love our rescue dearly but he is such such hard work and has cost us a fortune in behaviourist fees, he actually causes me more anxiety than helps me but I can not give up on him.

2017-present - My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and then diagnosed with breast cancer in 2024. My elderly dad does not cope well so between my sibling, a carer and myself we help out all the time. It is exhausting and in all honesty (and selfishly), I want it to end.

Nov 2024 - lost my job and am looking for another but in all honesty I don't have the mental drive to get another job right now but I need the money so I must. I am a PA for disabled clients but feel that I can barely cope looking after myself right now let alone anyone else but I don't know what else to do. I certainly can't work in a customer facing role, I just want to be away from people right now.

I know these are everyday life hassles and inconveniences for most people but throw in my constant IBS and bad guts, my issues with endometriosis and adenomyosis and now being deep in perimenopause I just can not cope with anything right now.

How do I get myself out of this? I walk the dog miles every day, I don't drink any alcohol or caffeine, no sugar, I listen to the Calm app every day. I am the healthiest and clean living of anyone I know, I have tried various antidepressants but they make me feel awful (especially where my gut issues are concerned), I have been advised by a hospital menopause specialist not to take HRT due to my endometriosis and mum's recent breast cancer diagnosis which is oestrogen positive. What can I take? What could help me? My GP is of no help tbh and I no longer have money for any kind of therapy.

Can I ever overcome this deep funk that I find myself in?

You sound like you are repeatedly in ND burnout. Which is exactly what your dc was when they were refusing school.

It takes time with low demand. Up to 5 years. ADHD meds helped my Audhd dd a lot.

I do wonder if this may be the case. I have suspected ds is asd for years, took him to a paediatrician when he was younger, they said he was fine but he has many issues which I am sure is due to some kind of ND issue.

I have no idea when I will get my adhd assessment but it will be interesting to see what the outcome is.

My father was a joker and would mock me and make fun of my ocd's. and odd behaviours. I think this planted a seed of constant self doubt and low self-esteem which I have carried into adulthood.

Look at those last four words. "I have carried into adulthood". Every time you thought about what he said, every time you heard his voice you dropped a little water onto that seed which allowed it to grow and flourish.

If your father had said that you had three eyes, or backward knees, you would be able to say that he was objectively incorrect but because his jokes were subjective you could not dismiss them as wrong. But what he planted has been allowed to flourish. Imagine if he was actually wrong - that you were a completely normal child with all the odd behaviours that all children have? Could you let that seed wither and die now?

This sounds really really tough. I don't have any advice but read your post and wanted to say I think you are dealing with a lot. I have struggled with mental health since I was young and now in my early 40's, I find my tolerance to stressful situations are less- I trigger more easily.

Do you need to work right now? Could you take that pressure away and focus on you & your family? I gave up my stressful job, took 6 months off and then started to think about work again. I didn't have other big commitments like you do just now but giving myself permission to not work really helped.

I think a lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD can be very very significant in poor mental health.
I think that that, coupled with difficult life events, may have left you with PTSD. I don't think you're lacking resilience, I think you are living in trauma and/ or burnout.
Health issues on top.... it's a lot to bear.
Sounds like you are doing your best to look after yourself psychologically, emotionally and physically. Be sure to keep that up.
I do hope you don't have to wait too long for the ADHD assessment and that the outcome is helpful.
Ive had a fairly shit life and shit mental health. Looking after my psychotic DS(23) traumatises me on a regular basis . But some days are better than others. It's very sad for all concerned.
No advice, sorry... just solidarity.

Thank you everyone.

Just to say that I had my assessment 2 weeks ago and have been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.

I knew deep down that I always was but hearing it has thrown me a bit tbh.

I've reached rock bottom probably 3 times in my life, I'm late 30s. I was diagnosed with bipolar at the time of the second time and getting the right diagnosis, treatment and support has made a huge difference in the stability of my mental health. The third time was postpartum when people with bipolar are at a very high risk of relapse.

I hope your ADHD diagnosis means the beginning of the end of your struggles. Take the time to process the diagnosis, I remember seeing my diagnosis on paper some years after getting the diagnosis and felt a disconnect and disbelief. The more stability I get with treatment the easier I find it.