Health anxiety due to chronic symptoms

[ScottishMouse]

I’ve not posted here before but I am really struggling.
I have had health anxiety as far back as I can remember. I understand the why - it comes from childhood circumstances. It appears when I have actual physical symptoms/illness that doesn’t resolve or get a quick diagnosis. Once the symptoms/illness resolve, the anxiety goes. I do not feel anxiety about cancer or dying or other illnesses which I have no symptoms for, it is not that type of fear.
Unfortunately, the last 6 years have been filled with one illness/set of symptoms after another. Some have been horrific to deal with. Most have gone on for months/years, often with no clear diagnosis.
The last couple of weeks I have had a flare of symptoms that I first experienced 6 years ago. I have never had a clear diagnosis, being told conflicting things by different medics, but there is a possibility that I have a chronic condition which I would rather not go into, but is progressive and has some extremely difficult symptoms. Literally as soon as I felt it start, I felt my stomach drop and my mind go into anxiety overdrive.
How does anyone deal with this if you actually have an illness or physical symptoms? I am constantly aware of the symptoms, the illness it might mean I have, and so the anxiety is constantly churning in my mind. Very quickly, I can then feel depression entering the picture too.
I do not want to go on medication for the anxiety, not because I am opposed to it, but because I am trialling too many meds for my physical symptoms and I would rather not add more to the mix.
I have just read Owen O’Kane’s new book Addicted to Anxiety and it really resonated with me, but I am in too low a place to figure out how to implement any of it.
Can anyone tell me how they have dealt with this kind of situation? Thanks.

Hi - I’m sorry you are suffering. It’s a difficult anxiety to live with. Are you able to afford therapy? I had to have therapy for severe anxiety and blood phobia when I was diagnosed with a rare, incurable blood cancer. It’s been a hard journey but therapy really helped me.

It's important to understand what anxiety is to figure out the best way to manage it. Anxiety is an emotion, the emotion that tells us to pay attention to things that are too important to ignore - so getting up for work, turning the cooker off, leaving plenty of time to get to the airport, etc.

It does this by triggering the imagination to show you the consequences of not acting on its prompts (not getting up for work - losing job, not turning the cooker off - house burns down, leaving it to the last minute to get to the airport - missing the flight/holiday ruined). So with things that are easy to foresee you could imagine it as a bossy teacher, albeit one with your best interests at heart. Once you do what you know is expected of you, the anxiety will be satisfied and fade away. Miss Jean Brodie comes to mine!

When it comes to less tangible things such as health, relationships, decisions when there's no obvious path to take, anxiety shrinks to become a worried child. As in your situation @ScottishMouse if we can't foresee what's likely to happen, we can't make plans or picture a satisfactory outcome so how can anxiety do it's job? Simple answer is, it can't. So, like a scared child, it tugs at your hand and asks if you're going to be OK and runs every single possible outcome through your imagination. Unfortunately we're genetically programmed to be more negative than positive so you aren't going to see the version when everything turns out for the best.

Therapy to help you understand why your mind is trying - and failing - to figure out what's happening, and how you can talk directly to your own subconscious would be very helpful in these circumstances.

OP I have the very same thing, I know the feeling too well but booked myself a therapist who is CBT for me this is working well, it’s not “fixing” the anxiety it’s enabling me to be kind to myself and my thoughts and stopping that spiral of panic.

Im about 6 months in and noticing a difference on my mindset and my approach and over Christmas and new year I was sick with a nasty chest infection which would normally have me drug seeking, panicking and stressed and for the first time I was fairly calm took it in my stride and not to say I didn’t wake up thinking I would die.. I just didn’t spend a whole week thinking it.

The calm app is also good for me helps me get to sleep with a clear head.

Mine go way worse in my 40s and is 100% linked to my hormones I’m on HRT now and it’s also helped with thr high levels of anxiety and the panics.

if you have numerous symptom some will no doubt be anxiety linked, my anxiety pains are under my ribs, in my chest, neck strains, bladder pain and lower back pains.

These are almost to me never real physical issues and seem to be my go-to anxiety points, recognising and accepting that some pain even though it’s real is being caused by our brains was a big one for me and then understanding and accepting that’s it’s OK makes a difference.

While not allowing my real physical symptoms like having endometriosis to be brushed off as “in my head” or a chest infection etc.

I hope my waffle helps, in essence I understand and it’s hard and with work you can make it easier I’m just getting there but have a feeling this is going to be my “thing”

I suffer exactly the same OP. No advice as therapy didn’t help me, but wanted to tell you I understand.

This sounds so tough, I am sorry you went through this, and hope that you are doing better.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long reply and give this insight into anxiety. It is very helpful.
I have tried therapy twice and it helped at the time, but as soon as I stopped, it all unravelled again. I tried CBT and I found that incredibly unhelpful for me, although I know that is what is usually suggested for HA. I also had a different type which was a lot of looking at my past, which was surprisingly helpful in making me understand where a lot of this (and other things) come from, and making me feel cared for in a way that I never have before (even writing that makes me a bit teary). I felt so much better physically as well as mentally during that time, but it came to an end after 18 months and I’ve been on a downward spiral both physically and mentally since then. Maybe I should go back, but I also don’t want therapy to become a crutch, I guess the idea is that you should be able to “graduate” from it and use what you have learned to function without it.

I agree, therapy should not only deal with the issue that caused you to seek help but give you the tools and insights to cope with any future problems.

Because I work with the subconscious mind rather than the conscious it's possible to permanently change thought patterns - a bit like upgrading a computer to a new operating system - and teach people how to talk to their own 'crew' so that they can help themselves rather than needing me again. There's a flaw in that business plan, isn't there?? 😂

Your story is very similar to mine. I had CBT but it didn’t help to any extent, then went privately for psychodynamic for 18 months. That was over a year ago and I’ve just gone back to process some aspects of my df death. There’s no shame in needing support from a therapist again until you feel able to “go it alone”. I’d say if it was helpful, it’s worth trying again. I think it’s unrealistic to think all our childhood traumas will be gone once we’ve had therapy. It’s always going to be there IMO and sometimes will flare up again so we need support at that time.

I am exactly the same. I have been this way since I was a small child and having several chronic health issues have not helped at all, simply exacerbated the issue.

I am 52 now and everything for me became so much worse mid 40's. Getting older and having more health issues (and perimenopause) just adds fuel to the fire so I simply can not see how I will get any better the older I get. I have invested £££'s in endless CBT sessions, counselling, EMDR and am currently having Acceptance Therapy but nothing really helps.

Maybe I need to accept this is how my brain works but I fight it all the time because, frankly, it is a miserable way to live and I am desperate not to live/think like this anymore.

I’m sorry to hear about your struggle @Picklingwalnuts. I am just a couple of years younger than you, and yes, perimenopause and aging has definitely not helped me.
i don’t think a book can solve things, but I would really recommend Owen O’Kane’s Addicted to Anxiety which I just read. It made an awful lot of sense to me. I just need to be able to implement some of what he says now.