tw child SA,abuse, mental health
So basically I have a big family I’m 1 of 8 siblings
my mum was extremely abusive and cruel, and her partner (my younger siblings dad) was a paedophile and he sexually abused me and my older 2 sisters. There’s also other stuff but it’s really extreme and sickening thag I do not wish to share. My mum knew and didn’t do anything about it the social workers was involved before he got arrested all the way to when he was sent down and left us with her even after we had spoken up 🤢
he was jailed for 15 years
so in mine and my siblings adult life a lot of us have mental health problems low self esteem not good choice of relationships/partners
But the ones who mainly suffer are me and my 2 older sisters
i struggle so much with my mental health and just general motivation, low moods, sometimes suicidal thoughts suicidal ideation
i have tried reaching out to family about how i feel however they do not care. Only thing I need is some good support and for people to show me it actually means something me being here but nothing
I don’t know what I’ve done to be made to feel like this? Other then jump any time ANYBODY needs me I just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t really have any friends or anybody to talk to and I’m feeling really low lately. Some days are so dark it’s a mystery how I’m still here
I need help with how to get a better mind set can anybody help me? I’ve even tried to find good uplifting bloggers on YouTube that supposedly changes your whole mindset. But I can’t seem to find a good one any suggestions on how to better my thoughts and mindset?please don’t suggest counselling I’ve buried things down for my own protection and they aren’t things I wanna bring to light I am not over my childhood and don’t think I ever will be my youngest memories even just fill with me with fear never mind as a growing child and I really do feel like a product of my environment