PTSD question

[tangerineface]

If you were diagnosed with PTSD later in life and had struggled with it since you were younger or for a large number of years how did it impact your life. In my early 40s and a lot of shit is hitting the fan due to what I now register may have been coping mechanisms over the years.

I have a job I love but unfortunately it seems to be kicking off aspects of this i managed to work around over the years also have a great partner but again hes struggling with me as some symptoms and coping mechanisms have come to the fore as he is very different to previous partners (has huge groups of friends we meet up and very extrovert) today it kicked off as he said to me that ‘I hate people’. It hurt so much when he said that as I really don’t, I’m just struggling to navigate with all of these symptoms all the time.

So constantly have to sit in certain places, cant have people behind me, have flashbacks through the week which then make me drained for a while.

Oh I’m so sick of it all, and top of that I’m seem as a total oddball at the job I love even though I think everyone and the job is lovely i just cant cope with my weird ways thst all seem to stem from my very violent upbringing.

My question is what did life look like before you got help and where do I begin. Thanks for reading.

Ps I’m not diagnosing myself, just trying to navigate the symptoms and it’s always seemed the closest symptom wise, hope I’m not bring inappropriate

I believe you would benefit greatly from therapy, with an older woman who you find yourself and pay to see. I personally would not necessarily look for CBT or PTSD specialists but someone who has a humanist approach and helps you unpick where all your feelings and current struggles come from.

Your partner isn't particularly supportive here. Maybe you are socially incompatible and that's fine. You shouldn't feel forced to do these social events whilst you feel that way. Not ok.

I've had counselling/therapy for years.

Thank you for your reply. Yes that makes sense. He is supportive, I think he just finds it hard to understand as many days i seem totally fine so it looks like I am suddenly being ‘difficult’. I would love to not be do self aware on the social occasions, it’s not that I don’t like them it’s just so hard if you’re scanning the room and trying to stop adrenaline kicking in, it becomes like a white knuckle ride to me. I wish I could switch it off.

thank you I’ll bear that in mind about the therapy

I suppose you’re right no matter what we are sort of incompatible. I have broached separating with him many times based on the above in a kind way but he says he is happy in general.

It doesn't have to mean separation if he is willing to listen and really hear how it is for you. Also to support you in trying to do something about it.

I occasionally take a beta blocker called propanolol which helps if I'm in nerve-wracking situations with heart racing type symptoms. It doesn't calm your mind, more the body ( shaking, red face, panic, heart racing). I used to take one simply for presentations at work. Amazing effect.

A counsellor can't prescribe, only GP or psychiatrist could discuss medication options that may have a place.

I don't immediately think this jumps out, but I wondered if any part of you feels different from a neurotype perspective, so ADHD or Autism. I think it's just worth asking yourself if that might be relevant in any way. I can't say from your post but if you explore it you could answer the possibility yourself with some research.

Have a look at my AMA - there's lots of info about why we experience trauma and how to deal with it.

Thanks for your reply. I’ve looked into that area before and have not felt like it applied to my situation. It’s very specific problems tied to witnessing a murder attempt on my sibling.

I have ptsd caused by a health related trauma. I had emdr which has helped a lot however because it was delayed by many years (nhs waiting lists, ironic when they caused the issue) it wasn't as effective, however it's helped immensely with the flashbacks. My other issue was that because it was on the nhs it was time limited (I think I needed more sessions). I was very dubious at first but had got to the point that I felt I had nothing to loose. I'm glad I did it. You have to go with it, expect to get worse before you get better and it's absolutely exhausting but the best thing I ever did for my mh.

If it's a single incident trauma, you will probably find EMDR extremely helpful. It is recommended in the NICE guidelines for treating PTSD. Take a look at the EMDR UK website which is really helpful.