first of all, im sorry if my English is bad. it's not my first language
to resume, A few months ago me, my best friend and a person we will call Sandra went through something weird with my ex.
we all went through hard sexual things in our lives, it was a quite hard situation but it ended that my ex masturbated themselves a few metters away from us. he changed his version quite a lot of time to be honest, and we were all in the same room.
my best friend and I removed them from our life while Sandra and them stayed friend.
Sandra and us weren't friends anymore anyway as the time passed by before we cut it out.
however, I had a friend that I will call Maxime, they were weird because they changed their behaviours and advice EVERYTIME. hating on Sandra, at the point he couldn't accept the fact they could be a victim too as much as we felt like it; wishing Sandra to die etc.. Maxime is the partner of one of my closest friend but sadly, I distanced myself from Maxime but stayed friend overall
I felt quite betrayed when a few weeks ago I learned Maxime had good time with my ex, hiding it from me, without warning me.
I skip the details but me and my best friend were worried about Sandra and talked about our worry to a friend of them, who expressed everything for us. the day after, we made a long and hard call where I apologized to sandra about everything I've done during all those years, but got barely anything back.
and in the end, without saying the words “sexual assault” Sandra said I touched them during my sleep. at their breast and up their thighs. I didn't knew anything about that and express how much I was sorry about this, I validate their feelings.
My best friend reassured me, Sandra seemed reassured too but said something like “ If I wanted to ruin you to protect your ex, I would have said that. so don't feel scared”
I felt threatened anyway, but kept apologizing because it's the bare minimum.
we cut the call, I told everything about this to ALL my friends, staying as neutral as possible, giving all screenshots I had etc…
but Maxime was obviously really angry we were “so worried” about Sandra. and we tried to express ourselves the whole day, in the end they sent me a text where they said I was no better than my ex and that I had Sexually assaulted Sandra.
I don't know what to do, all my friends stay there except their boyfriend from who I was really close. everyone of them say that I wasn't aware of my own behaviours, that it is okay is Sandra felt bad, but it's okay if I feel bad too. they all try to reassure me that I'm not someone dangerous, a sexual assaulter.
I feel disgusted and afraid of this accusation, spread by someone who wasn't in that call, nor concerned and who hated my ex and was horrible to Sandra. I feel afraid of myself, and ultimately guilty of what I did in my sleep.
I went through sexual abuse in my life, I fought for the victims as much as I could and I will never deny I had fault and wasn't all white in any social problems I had. but I'm more than afraid of this and doesn't know how to see myself and to do if this keep going.
thanks for reading me, And I'm sorry, I tried to be as precise as possible without it being too long.