When does therapy kick in?

[WorrasTheEmu]

Had 2 sessions so far. I've appreciated the opportunity to be really open and tell my life story 😬
it's been mostly me talking and therapist listening, and interjecting with questions, which I know needs to happen to build a picture.
If you've had therapy, when did things pick up and you felt like you were getting what you needed out of it?
Thanks, in advance

Therapy isn’t medicine; you can’t take it for x-many doses and get better.
It’s a process you have to actively engage in.

For me, CBT changed my life. Not the first time - it took a few goes before I got the hang of it. No more endless negative running commentary, no more self sabotage. The last 10 years have been so much better as a result.

I still need to “CBT my way out of this” from time to time, so I regularly sit down and work through obstacles using the tools I got from CBT.

Gosh, a few of these replies are a bit spiky for the mental health board...

I'm well aware it's a process and something that I need to engage with, I was just wondering about other people's experiences that's all, as I'm feeling a bit like a fish out of water with it all.

Best to ask your therapist OP as it varies so much from person to person.

Thank you, that's really kind of you to say.

I think I've met people in the past which I initially thought had similar emotional style to me, but I always end up feeling like I'm too much or too intense. So I guess I'm left thinking, well maybe I am then?

If the 'don't let random people diagnose you' thing was off the back of my comment let me be clear - I'm not diagnosing anything, I was asking a question and making an observation. It IS a common ND trait that many of us like to 'deep dive' and can be a bit shit at surface level small talk unless we're heavily masking.

I do agree with you that this is not an OP problem. In fact I would take it further and say that having fortified her shark cage based on past experiences, her boyfriend saying the old 'Get therapy' chestnut and ending the relationship might well be a good sign that she has just repelled a shark.

Is this something you've discussed with your therapist yet?

I had lots of CBT in my teens. At the time, I didn’t take any of it on board. Found it to be a personal affront! But it hugely impacted me in a positive way in the years since.

I’m also a huge believer in non-talking therapies. Touch and movement being the main things for me. Specific examples being exercise, yoga and breath work at home, walking. Massage is hugely beneficial to me too.

I recently had six counselling sessions with Mind through a carers charity. I don’t think it was a specific form of therapy, but it was useful just to chat to someone. I didn’t have any expectation of beneficial outcomes- but it was good to chat to someone.

I think you may be right, but I was that desperate to hold on to the relationship that I just did what he suggested. Despite me telling him I'd booked therapy, he ghosted me for a week then finished it using a whole host of reasons that were news to me and contradictions.

The main source of my insecurities was for me the infrequent sex and him telling me that sex wasn't "up there" for him in a relationship. It came to a head when I asked him if he was indulging in a lot of porn and could that be the reason why he wasn't bothered with actual sex. Initially he took it on board, bought a book about your brain on internet porn, downloaded an app to track use etc.
Then a week later, apparently he'd "capitulated" and it wasn't a problem and all on my insecurities.

I just couldn't square his apparent low sex drive with a real person with the fact that he clearly had a high sex drive when it came to watching it on a screen.

Yes, on the last session we discussed this. Im hoping we'll dig deeper next session.

At this point I'm just in complete turmoil about the end of this relationship and how I feel I've ruined it. I just want to be a better person and partner.

This is an interesting post to read. When I had CBT as a teen, I really hated it. Felt like my problems were being minimised and dismissed.

I had 2 years of CBT, as an in patient and out patient at a psychiatric hospital. I found the group sessions really useful because you get to see the model without feeling so personally attacked.

At this point I'm just in complete turmoil about the end of this relationship and how I feel I've ruined it. I just want to be a better person and partner.

At this point I'm just in complete turmoil about the end of this relationship and how I feel he ruined it. I just wanted him to be a better person and partner.

Fixed that for you. 😉

Thank you ❤️

I honestly don't know which way is up at the moment.
I just need to reason out whether I was being over insecure or whether that's a normal thing to get upset about.
Totally prepared to be told that I need to work on my self esteem.

Yes, self esteem work is always good* But do be totally prepared to accept that he wasn't good enough for you - that there's nothing wrong with you except that you need to raise the bar a bit when it comes to partners. Being alone is far better than reaching down.

*If you happen to be the Orange turd please disregard this statement.

Thanks you. I definitely was insecure at times though. I have to own that and I know it's irritating.

CBT definitely isn’t for everyone. It’s also very pragmatic - not so much “how did we end up here” but more “this is where we are, so what can we change?”

It can definitely feel, well, brusque with some therapists. And not overly sympathetic at times. But when I got the hang of doing the work, it did transform some aspects of my life.

It’s looking at what you believe to be true, trying to look at it from a different vantage point and seeing it that works better, for me at least. Realising what my thoughts and assumptions are, challenging and reframing them, and moving forward from there.

I definitely was insecure at times though. I have to own that and I know it's irritating.

If you were my client I'd ask that bit of your mind that's telling you are insecure and irritating to start telling you how fucking awesome you are instead!!!

Yes, and I (not that I'm a therapist) would say... What would you tell a dear friend who felt like you do? Who felt things deeply and had been through a lot? Would you say "You need to chill out and stop feeling so much, and be fine with your partner watching porn instead of having sex with you?". No, you would wrap your arms around her and give her comfort and reassurance, through her grief and loss. And I wish you that comfort too, however you find it

I would love that. I'm so utterly bored with my own mind and thought processes.
I'm pissing myself off.

Thank you xxx

I can't tell you what a mess I feel right now.

In a particularly mental moment, I considered hypnotherapy to try erase all memories of him from my mind.
FFS 🙄

Never. Fount if to be a total waste of time. Nice to offload - but that’s it

I know, it's the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind dilemma! I know the feeling. Time helps. Being around others who care about you helps. I wish there was a magic bullet. Don't be hard on yourself.

Doesn't work like that - but it can break the emotional link to whatever's distressing you.

Kinda like Dire Strait's - "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"

Week four ish for me. Week two and three were awful.

It’s good to hear positive experiences of CBT. I completely understand why so many people hate it, but it transformed my life. Even though I didn’t realise it at the time.

Its also really helped me as a parent. I would never ‘CBT’ my kids. That would be brutal 😜 But it’s given me an emotional literacy that’s been invaluable.

I couldn’t agree more, it not only changed my life I believe it saved it too, I was that bad.