Please heelp me

[IDKWTD]

I am not sure wher to post this, so I have posted here and the behaviour board.

I have changed my name for this post.

I just don't know what to do with DD1 (she is in yr1 at school), she just will not do as I ask her. I try to keep calm, but her disobedience is really getting to me and I am scared that I am going to really hurt her.
It is just silly things like tonight it was her spellings. She gets tested on a friday in school, we practice throughout the week but write them down on a Thursday night and again on Friday morning. Tonight she got 3 wrong, she knew what she had done wrong as soon as I told her which ones they were. I wrote them correctly and asked her to copy them twice more, she refused and threw the book across the table and onto the floor. I told her to go to the naughty stair, but she refused as usual. I was trying to get dd2(7mo old) into her highchair at the time or I would have picked DD1 up and put her on the stair myself. Instead I made sure DD2 was safe and went out the room myself. While I was out of the room DD1 turned the tv up to a deafening level. I went back into the room and turned the TV off, DD1 screamed at me and threw the remote control across the room, losing he batteries in the process. I had to stop myself from smacking her. I phone my MIL and asked her to come over as I was so scared of hurting DD1. FIL is here now and will take DD1 home with him if needed, but I think she will refuse to go.
If you have managed to get this far, THANK YOU,for reading . I don't know how any of you can help, but I just need someone to 'talk' to.

Thank you for letting me get it off my chest

anyone?

Sympathies, I remember DS1 (now in yr2) being a right royal PITA in year one (still is to some extent but he's getting better now).

Not really sure what to suggest, but I (personally) would ease off on the spelling practice.

When DS1 started getting spellings in YR1 it was stressed to us that it was helpful to practice it with them, but not essential, and only to spend a couple of minutes MAX a day (or even every other day - or even just once the day they got them, and once the night before the test). To make it fun, and once they (the child) got bored to leave it for the day.

This was told to us again at the start of YR2.

Hope you're feeling better soon

Small children are like the lions on the savannah ,show one sign of weakness and they pick you off from the herd!!
Seriousley though , after school time is tough for year ones , she will have spent all day being nice ,sharing ,doing as shes told and when she gets home all she wants to do is kick back and relax . Not easy when she has to do her spellings !! Dont take her behaviour personally , shes a little girl and she is seeing how far she can push you ,they all do this at some stage . So she got three spellings wrong ,so what ? are you imagining that this will have a profoundly detrimental effect on her future school career ? not one bit ,let her get them wrong ,if you believe she is doing it to wind you up . Say something like ' you did very well on your spellings ,i bet when your less tired tomorrow you will rememeber how to spell ....whatever word she has mis-spelt ' . They are draining when they go through this stage though and it must be difficult when you have a baby to contend with too .

I don't mind that she got 3 spellings wrong, we both know that she knows how to spell them. We don't practice them every night, but on a Thursday night I like her to write them down, so I can just go over the ones she is unsure of.
It is the sheer defiance and her disobedience that is getting me down. When her daddy sends her to the naughty stair she goes straight away, but not when I send her. I end up having to carry her kicking and screaming. She often mimics what I say as well, despite having been told not to.

Sorry i didnt mean to sound critical ,what i meant was that if you pretend that she got them wrong because she didnt know how to spell them then that sort of steals her thunder. She sounds like a very intelligent little minx and it is hard to smile sweetly when what you really yearn to do is throttle them ! Have you thought about some sort of star or reward chart ? if she does x,y,z she can have a special treat at the end of the week . Also how did she react to the arrival of a new sister ? The novelty will have worn off now and she may be harbouring resentment towards the little usurper !! Im sure someone will come along with loads of fab advice but until then try not to forget she is only 5 and if the worst comes to the worst ,ground her until shes 21 !!!