So lonely

[Nofutureanymore]

That’s it.
I now live alone as dd has left home and I have no partner, close local friends or family.I’m so lonely but also need my own space regularly.
I shy away from people I think might want to meet up “too much”.
I’ve tried meet up groups for various activities , health clubs, etc but nothing works.
I don’t like to mix work and social plus I only have a few colleagues, none of which I’d want to see outside work.
I used to quite enjoy doing some solo activities but recently I’m not even enjoying that so much.
I’ve restarted my antidepressants (for anxiety/ocd) but they did really help much anyway and the doctors aren’t interested or show no understanding
The future looks quite miserable.😞

Do you like dogs?

A dog woukd provide company for you on your own terms (as you need your own space) and dog walking can be very sociable, meeting there dog walkers. Seeing the same people each day at the same time, but with no commitment. Just casual, regular chat.

the routine of getting out and about with a dog is also good for mental health.

Have you thought about doing a course in something? Or joining a reading group? I find it a lot easier chatting to people if there is something already in place to talk about - I am pretty useless at initiating small talk. If there is a set time and place and a set subject it is so much easier.

Sorry, clicked post too soon.

meant to say, I can relate to some of what you are saying. I feel lonely sometimes but also don’t want to commit too much of myself to people. I find it stressful and suffocating.

But I also struggle with too much of my own company.

@wishiwasupahill sorry you feel the same way- it’s so difficult isn’t. No a dog wouldn’t work for me and I work full time too.

@Speckson ive considered a few ideas but don’t want to have to commit to a regular time each week

Bump

I can relate. In terms of meet ups worth carrying on trying? I have quite a few a go before finding one which meets weekly that I really enjoy. It can be small things to give you a boost. It’s hard

What are you looking for OP? You say you're lonely but don't want people who want to meet up regularly. You don't want to spend time with your colleagues, solo activities don't interest you and meetup didn't work out.

I think you're going to have to get into a routine. You don't have to go to a class every single week. When I did adult ballet, I'd go whenever I fancied it. You could pop into any number of classes or activities in the week of a similar ilk that aren't going to need you to be there every time.

I do recommend a yoga class, if you can manage it. It did lasting wonders for my mental health. You really don't have to go every week or even to the same teacher every time. The basics are always the same.

What about a community choir. Normally an older demographic and a friendly vibe.

Thanks for the suggestions😊

Some good ideas here, Op. I just wanted to add, when I'm depressed I withdraw from people and find reasons to say no to things, dismiss ideas etc. But when I'm well, I can see that this doesn't help me and I am a lot happier when I do things. I'm not sure why I'm like this - I think it's an attempt to protect myself from being hurt, but of course it doesn't work. We aren't designed to be alone too much, even introverts who need their own space. So start with small things that help depression. A walk every day, some counselling, a weekly yoga class? Even a coffee in a nice cafe with a book can be a good starting point - there are people but they require nothing from you. Build up from there.

The dog is an excellent idea - they do not judge and get you out .

Have you considered voluntary work.
I help at a homeless shelter - serve food/drink. Meet some lovely volunteers .