Sorry it’s a long one!
Why are family so difficult?
My parents just do hurtful things. I’ve been passive aggressive, I’ve tried to talk to them, I’ve had therapy but man it’s so hard.
It all started when my sister had kids. So we both have kids, mine being the first grandchild. We both have two daughters the same age who are younger than my eldest. Then my sister had 2 boys, and lived with my mum for a few years. I’ve had a child etc etc. My parents raised her kids, and it became this weird competition. I couldn’t update my parents on my kids at all without them comparing and also my sister did.
I will be totally honest, when my niece came and they all doted on her, I felt like my daughter just got dropped like she didn’t matter and I became jealous. My mum and dad would talk about my sisters kids as soon as I mentioned mine and it became upsetting. Then they started to do other things, and still to this day do it. They will buy my sisters kids things and don’t do the same for mine (I think if you’re grandparents you should treat them all the same this way?)
i even resorted to pointing it out to my sister, who didn’t care bc she gets the childcare off them and can live stress free palming her kids off all the time…
I got to a point where I let that go, because I called them out and then they just began lying.
when my sister moved out; she would go and spend the weekend still at my parents even though she had a husband and lived 10 mins away (imo my sister is a very lazy parent, does nothing with the kids she just allows my parents to parent them but then goes mad when they do?!).
My parents moved almost an hour away and she would do the same but stopped about a year or so ago when she divorced her husband & met someone else so then her kids would just go.
Our kids are all now teens / pre teens and mine don’t really like now spending time with my parents. 1) they never get quality time with them bc my sisters kids have always been there 2) my parents don’t do anything bc my sisters kids would mostly spend time on gaming consoles / phones / tech
dont get me wrong; I’ve got to a point now where I’ve taken a step back bc my kids are treated differently and hers are quite obviously favoured.
for instance, my mum took my niece away for her 14th birthday, everyone was really shady about it “oh it’s her Xmas and bday present”… but then still got her a decent Xmas present. The gift thing I’m over bc I’m not gluttonous and it’s not that, it’s more the favouritism.
i can’t even go into the amount of times it’s been obvious, like family holidays … my mum would buy her kids ice cream but not mine… they went to a football match and bought her kids all food and a drink but not mine… it’s just so bizarre.
if I talk about my older two girls, my dad instantly talks about my niece. My son has always been into football, they’ve never once watched him play but as soon as my nephew started, they’ve been; taken him to training. They go to my sisters in the week to help her and drive past my house. I wouldn’t mind, I’m not a horrible person at all. I just have my shit together and my sister & parents have a weird coindependent relationship. I would still appreciate them popping in or helping to do something but they don’t. It hurts.
I have to ask. Whereas my mum will just go and do it for my sister and I wish she would once say; I’ll pick them up from school for you, I’ll take them to football etc etc.
my mum called me to make a point of us all being free for my dads birthday this weekend. My niece went on Friday to my parents and they took her to the pub for a meal. They would never think to ask if my girls wanted to do that. Don’t get me wrong, my niece needs the support bc my sister again isn’t the best parent (she acts very defensive to them and shouts, screams, lack of parenting skills etc) but does that mean my kids don’t deserve the treat too? My eldest is doing her GCSE’s this year and has worked hard, but goes unnoticed.
I don’t want to go now to my mums bc I’m jsut so hurt again by it! Something so little as well, I hope I’m not coming across as pathetic. But what do you do?!