Infertility grief

[worldwidetravel2017]

Hey
Has anyone else whos been through this - wana chat about it ?

HI OP. I hesitated in answering because I do have a DC.
However, not until I was 41.
Years of infertility and treatment.
What's your story so far?

Hey

Sorry to hear you had years of treatment

Super glad you got your dc though

We are currently doing ivf
I have miscarriage history
Im.38

Its just hard

I have it sadly through having chemo. Breaks my heart everyday and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. Can’t afford ivf sadly so I think it’s over for me.

Hi @worldwidetravel2017

So sorry your going through this and feeling this way.

I can relate - about to start IVF after years of infertility and a miscarriage.

While it's a totally crap situation, I've found a few things helpful over the years. One being exercise. I've found then when my mind is so focused on doing something physically hard, it can't focus on the emotional pain. It gives my mind a break from the almost constant thoughts around TTC the rest of the time.

Also reading The Worst Girl Gang Ever was helpful. I'm now listening to some Mel Robbins podcasts - there are some really good tips on there about managing difficult times and emotions.

Also keeping busy - I've signed up to an online course. I think feeling like I've got other things going on in my life, instead of only focusing on my situation, helps me feel like I'm progressing in life - I felt stuck for a long time (if that makes any sense).

Here if you want a chat 😊

@Deebee90don't you qualify on the NHS? It’s hard to qualify on the NHS but I thought chemo patients were some of the few people who did qualify. Also, treatment abroad can be cheaper. I’m so sorry to hear of your situation; it must be so sad despite the fact that life has a lot more to it than just kids. You wanted kids and you didn’t get to have them so I can see why you’d always mourn this.

@worldwidetravel2017miscarriage is terrible, I’m sorry you went through that. Have you had a consultation about why it could have been? I’m the same age as you and my consultant thought my miscarriage was plain bad luck and that I’d be fine on my next embryo transfer. It was true and I’m now ten weeks pregnant. So hopefully there aren’t any risk factors and it’s just bad luck.

Have you thought about other things you could do with your life if you didn’t have children? I did. I was going to travel for work and I joined an over 30s all star cheer team. These things made me pretty happy and I wouldn’t say it was a life not well lived. I appreciate it’s easy for me to say now that I’m pregnant. I suppose what I mean is that making alternative plans can help with the sadness while you continue to try. Distractions can be good for grief.

I wish you the best of luck with the ivf. It’s so tough.

This exactly. Feeling like you have a life outside of reproduction is crucial. Good luck with your ivf.

@Feliciacat it might be area dependent but husband had chemo and it meant we were entitled to one round.

Thank you...

Are you doing long or short protocol ivf ?

Thank you

Hey - sorry to hear - NHS should / do help in this scenario