Anxiety burnout.. again - I'm not the person I want to be

[Twinklstar]

Anyone else found themselves burnt out again? Highly anxious, insomnia, 2 young kids, 40. Feeling fed up as this time last year the same thing happened.

On 40 mg citalopram, have diazepam to help sleep when needed, re visiting CBT therapy - this is my 4th burn out in 12 years....what works is doing the minimum, lots of quiet time reading, knitting, mindfulness. I know it will pass but it's soo lonely! I feel like I've lost myself again....no socialising, only short walks, very careful planning to avoid feeling overwhelmed....

How do you deal with the loss of identity? I use to love exercise and meeting friends, now I'm constantly on edge of staying healthy minded and I've relapsed... burnout again... To stay healthy for my family I know I need to strip back my daily life.

Husband is supportive but also fed up this keeps happening - he has to take on more housework, etc on top of a full time job. He needs exercise everyday, a bit like a dog that needs walking! Lol Plus his family are going through a very stressful situation..

I'm not the person I want to be, I miss myself.
Any thoughts?

Sorry if this seems like a daft question but how do you know it’s anxiety burnout? What does that mean exactly?

If it’s something that keeps happening despite being on medication then I’d be looking to explore more what the root cause is, you may feel extremely anxious but that can happen with lots of things. What is unresolved for you? What causes the anxiety? What makes it worse or better? For me personally I get very anxious when I’m overwhelmed and the reason I get overwhelmed is because I have an adhd profile. If I take anti anxiety meds then it’s easier to manage but I would still feel very overwhelmed in some situations. So to avoid getting to this point I still have to manage the adhd if that makes sense.

Who advised you to cut back exercise to only very short walks? It would usually be advised to exercise.

I’m a mental health nurse and have never heard of ‘anxiety burnout’, what does that even mean?

Have you considered the anxiety might be related to early menopause?
I’ve recently had my second experience of burnout but 8 years apart. I’m a similar age to you and back on citalopram, revisiting CBT from last time. I had to have a break from work but during that time I started much healthier habits - food and exercise being key. Just 30mins a day and sometimes that’s Pilates and sometimes weights, sometimes just a walk. I also read a book called the let them theory. It might be totally irrelevant but my anxiety was based upon my role and trying to do everything for other people and feeling I was failing badly. Can’t recommend it more highly for improving my perspective on so many areas of life!

I seem to be in a cycle of burning myself out about every 18 months and eventually getting signed off for a couple of weeks.

I wouldn't label it 'anxiety burnout' though, just burnout. I push myself too much at work, chase people more frantically than usual, think things matter more than they do. I feel teary and overwhelmed by normal life outside of work - I can't face socialising, can't handle any mess or chaos at home, find it agonising to do simple things like the food shop, can't plan ahead and book (for instance) holidays or tickets for a show.

When I get signed off and take a break, and take it easy, everything realigns, and I come out the other side feeling so much calmer and with a better sense of perspective.

I'm not great at spotting the warning signs in advance and avoiding it altogether though.

Have you considered that you might be neurodivergent? This cycle of burnout is really common for e.g. autistic people.

I am like this OP. Though for me walking and swimming help a lot. On my own! Are you working? If so I'd suggest taking a couple of weeks off so you can recharge. I've learnt the hard way to do this as the alternative is that I lose my job or walk out.
I do generally come back to being myself. I also recommend coming off SM and reading/listening to books instead.
Good luck xx

How would you describe your burnout?
How do you describe your anxiety?
They are 2 different things and will effect your life in different ways.

Also, how old are the DC? Do you work FT, do you have support beyond DH? Having young kids and working FT is bloody hard! But here is the beauty of it: it's a particular phase in your life.

Thank you for all your replies. I use the term 'anxiety burnout' as that's how I am. I have always been an anxious person/worried and have been use to adapting my life to accommodate. I am constantly reviewing daily events and using strategies to help ease the feelings. It feels exhausting. I do wonder if my antidepressants aren't working anymore? I tried fluoxetine before but didn't feel it helped and went back to citalopram. Any thoughts?

@BigRenoLittleBudget
Good question - I have often thought about what is the root cause? I assume it's part of me, that I can only handle so much before I burnout from over thinking/anxiety/health anxiety. I became anxious at 11. I struggle watching mum friends keeping up there exercise routines, social calendar and I try and burn out.

@Dontsparethehorses I have thought it could be connected to perimenopause - I have had irregular length of cycles this last year and increased anxiety in the two weeks before my period. Night sweats/ disturbed sleep the week before my period, much more than I use to. I feel overwhelmed by the idea of sorting it out but I think I need to chat to a GP.

@PoppyBaxter
This is me - I miss the warning signs and think I can handle it with strategies, but I then this happens. How do you stop the feelings of failure that's it's happened again?

I only work 1 day a week and have been feeling quite isolated being at home. I use to work full time as a teacher but burnout before I had kids. I fully understand I can't go back to that job, it's knocked my confidence. I would like to try something new once the kids are at school - they are 4 and 2. They do go to nursery but only part time.

I use burnout to describe the feelings of being overwhelmed by the daily routine, food shop, washing - it feels like a huge effort right now. A sure sign is I stop sleeping, this when I know it's really bad. I got about 4 hrs last night, after going to bed feeling very anxious and used diazepam to help me get to sleep.

I haven't been on social media properly since Christmas - I check community groups maybe once a week to keep updated. I know this helps me.

I exercise when I feel less overwhelmed but this phase can take weeks, sometimes months to shift. I realise I'm using previous experiences but I've tried a short bike ride this week and didn't feel the buzz, more regret as the next day felt hard mentally.

Do you mean a nervous breakdown in old fashioned terms? I've had about 3 of what I term nervous breakdowns.

Gently OP, this is how I feel during autistic burnout, which can last days, weeks or in my current case months. Have you considered neurodiversity if this is something you experience regularly?
Do look after yourself, reading and knitting sound like my main self care resources whilst in the same situation.

Sorry to hear you feel this way. Could it be worth exploring perimenopause and/or an ADHD or other neurodivergent assessment? Sounds like your brain is in overdrive with the anxiety. I’m not an expert but wonder if putting less pressure on yourself might be worth a try- just focus on simple daily tasks- food shopping, tidying/cleaning, short walk and feel proud when you’ve achieved those things. Wish you all the best.

I'm much older than you and ND wasn't a thing back then. Or ADHD. But I probably am too thinking about it. Unfortunately it does seem to come in cycles. Take a step back, just do what you can cope with and perhaps explore if you might be ND or what others have suggested with your doctor and your own research. I know it's very disheartening when it keeps happening.

It sounds like you're being too hard on yourself too, comparing yourself to other mum friends etc and putting a lot of expectations on yourself. I know it's hard not to do that but we are all different and can only go with what we ourselves can manage and makes us feel settled and peaceful. Have you tried therapy at all to try and get at any root of anxiety? It sounds like there may be a few things going on, hormones, ND and your own natural character etc. I really sympathise with you as anxiety is a horrible feeling but it can be managed to quite a degree. It's probably worth looking at your antidepressants too to see if a change might help. Finally life with little ones can be hard and lonely! But it won't last forever, as they grow it gets easier.

Thanks for your replies. I do agree I am highly critical of myself, something I need to keep coming back to and reminding myself not to do. Revisiting CBT therapy will be helpful. As a teacher, I've worked with a number of ND pupils and wouldn't say I align with that.

Your comments have made me reflective today and I feel heard having shared on here.

I became anxious at 11.

Can you remember why?

I am highly critical of myself

Who started this thought process?

I know it might feel like a step down but I wonder if being a TA for a period of time might help? Build your confidence and back into the routine of work without any of the pressure? Find a job that is the best bits of it - working with kids but you can leave it all behind at the end of the day? Maybe just half days? But I do echo what I said before about speaking to GP about menopause… being around lots of other women same age (work in school!) helps recognise when this plays a part!

@Twinklstar how are you doing now? I just put some words about how I currently feel into mumsnet search and your post came up first and gosh it resonated so so much with how I feel currently. Has helped me a little in that I’m not losing it it’s not just me who feels like this. So thank you in a weird way and at the same time I’m so sorry you feel like this. I too, keep reaching what I can only call anxiety burnout. It’s happened 4 or 5 in the last 12 years. This most recent episode I can’t seem to get out of and am really suffering physically now - it’s like my body is now just shutting down with aches and pains now on top of the constant fight flight. Always starts with some kind of big stressor that sort of ‘breaks the camels back’ and my body falls into a high anxiety state and then I try and get out of it and fail and the cycle continue of trying to get out of it / keep going as much as I can. Feels like burnout times a million. I don’t really know what more to do! I’m so anxious about anti depressants and have been given various ones by doctors over the years but can never get very far as I freak out about side effects and how they make me feel. I was taking lorazepam for a while but hated it, it’s just a sticking plaster so have given up on that too. I just wanted to check in and say you’re so not alone, I feel so similar and am also a teacher and mum of 3 (but do not know how I’m at work as I can barely function right now) and just want you to know it’s not just you. The only thing that really gives me hope right now whilst in the crux of it is that I have felt similar before and then have somehow come out of it and felt good again. Please feel free to message me if you want to chat more. Xx

@bubnoom thank you for your message. I'm sorry to hear you are also on this rollercoaster of anxiety and burnout feeling. It's good to know I'm not the only one and we are trying to get through these episodes. 💐 I agree with your thoughts, this too shall pass and we have done it before and can do it again. It's just the uncertainty of the time it will take to feel more like ourselves again. I am currently having good days and bad.

I honestly found anti-depressants very helpful. I had to wait more like 6 weeks for the side effects to stop but when they started working, it was such a relief. I've been on citalopram for 10 years, at different doses - currently the max of 40 mg. I feel it's not quite helping me like it use too but unsure whether to try anything different. I wouldn't stop taking it though.

I also have a GP appointment booked in a few weeks and plan to discuss perimenopause symptoms, as well as my current mental health. I hope you are finding some peaceful headspace in your busy life

Funnily enough I joined this as I have similar feelings allthough have had just two 'burn outs' and have now got better at spotting the signs. I have been wandering recently with all the hype about autism if I am neurodivergent too. I was diagnosed with Generalised anxiety disorder after my first burn out, but it didn't really fit. I went to a work party on Friday, and found it very overwhelming, and felt awful the next day even though I didn't drink. I feel like I've been at pre burn out for nearly a year, I try and take time journaling, and setting daily routines, and I few minutes of quiet time regularly. Eg I've found colour by numbers and sticker books good.

I think you've got the attitude to exceersise wrong, so would probably be good to go to your gp. Maybe you need to find the right exceersise for you, not competitive, maybe therapy would help you there. Saying that, I haven't exercised as much as I should but it does help mental health. You often need to get past the first few weeks of it feeling bad I've found.

I'm autistic and burnout like this. Like you, I am on a high dose of citalopram. I am also seeking therapeutic support, but in my case via a private counsellor.